Dear Mom,

Hey Mom,

Thanks for accusing me of ignoring you and then going on to say how I shouldn't be talking on the phone while driving because I'll get into a car accident and then proceeding to yell at me when I trip and fall up the stairs that lead into the garage and calling me a clumsy shit. I'm in a lot of pain right now from that fall.

This reminds me all too much of the time you broke glass and then yelled at me to clean it up and said you "didn't fucking care if I got glass in my foot because you wouldn't bring me to the emergency room."

Also the time not so far back in the past that I heard you tell my dad that I can go to hell.

And no Mom, Jamie is not using me. She's a real friend. Something you said you were happy I had this year. REAL FRIENDS. I found them. They don't use me. And she doesn't either. She's going through a hard time. And I don't understand how one minute you're sympathetic and inviting her over to stay the night whenever she wants and the next you pull this shit.

Thanks Mom. Thanks. Really. Keep your anger in check. I'm your kid.

Sincerely,

Sydnee

It's been established...

My aching head has turned me into a raging bitch with Zombie-like tendencies.

A Long Blog...

It's really fun to watch kids battle it out for candy at parades.

Today was the fourth of July, also known as Independence Day. I went to the annual parade and tanned while everyone else in my family burned, to which my Dad said, "It must be great being half-Mexican." Reminds me that I miss Miss Janis Avalos-Rios. <3 Anyway, then we went to Applebees and I came home having that headache again and I passed out on my bed for a good three hours. I can't explain what's been happening lately with that. I've been falling asleep randomly. This feeling just comes over me. The dull aching of my head and I'm unable to think and I get super moody. I lay down and then I'm out, just like that. It's annoying really. And then I always have nightmares... This one was short and one of the worst. What I learned from this nightmare? Don't let strangers in your house. They might just try to rape you and then chop up your brother with an axe. Why does my mind create these horrible images? I know this blog is really random, but it's everything jumbled together at once, and somehow I'm okay with that. Screw organization. I'm buying that journal tomorrow, before I have to go to work. It's my goal for the day tomorrow, besides sleeping in. Ha.

I really hate the person I am sometimes, yet I love who I am. I love that I care for other people. I actually firmly believe that the reason I was put on this Earth was to help other people in any way I can. I've always known that. No matter what people say, I know it's true. Yet, it's really taking a toll on me. (WARNING: SELFISH MOMENT AHEAD) I take in everybody's problems. I always have. And I like doing it. I love to help people, have them talk things out and I like offering whatever advice I can, but lately it feels like there's too many people to help at one time. I don't know how and my brain hurts too much from these headaches to even try to be helpful and then I feel like I'm acting as if I don't care, snapping at them or not offering any sort of help and I hate it. And it sucks. I think it's one of the reasons I feel like this. I'm stressed, but not because of anything going on in my life. My life is fine. It's everyone else's. But I don't want to tell them this. Because I want people to keep confiding in me. I like being that person. I don't really care what toll it takes on me as long as it's helping them, but it's getting tough. And it seems even a good night's sleep in my new queen bed can't even fix that. 

Maybe I've just been working way too much. Good thing this coming week, my work schedule is toned down. 

I feel guilty. About today. I felt like shit for a majority of the day. (I mean I randomly slept for four hours). There might have been an hour where I didn't and that hour was blissful, but all of my friends were out at Wisconsin Point. They were begging me to come. They all wanted me there. They miss me. Believe me, I know this. I finally have real friends and time is running out to see them because college is nearing and then Burger King decides to own my life. But I was going to be able to see them today and I just couldn't bring myself to go. Anxiety was getting the better of me and I just felt like...I got hit by a semi truck. And Morgan was having such a hard time, I was so worried. And then she just drove over and hung out for a while and I think I managed to help make her feel better, which was good. And even though our towns' fireworks sucked as usual, we got to eat smores and then watch the lightning as the sky turned purple and the yellow bolts lit up the sky. And I feel like we bonded over it. Because we were both thinking the same thing: Zeus found some Twin Souls tonight. Thunderstorms and lightning strikes have never meant so much to me. 

I hope my head doesn't explode from overload. The thing is, half of the things I'm thinking about aren't my thoughts. They're not thoughts about things going on in my life. My mom's always telling me I take on other people's problems and make them as my own. I used to just shrug and deny it. But now I'm realizing it's true. I make them my problems and I try to fix them. But am I capable? I can't fix everything. I know this. So why do I tire myself trying?

Because I love these people.

Goodnight.

My rooom.

I'm currently laying on my new queen sized bed. I am so happy about this. You don't even know. My room is beautiful. All it needs is my headboard and my shelves, otherwise it's complete.

I'll probably post a picture at some point.

<3

I just really don't want to go to work tomorrow at 8:30 a.m because a.) I fail at breakfast and b.) that's hella early.

I'll survive, right?

Funny moments from work today;

Because it makes me feel a little better that I'm almost always there.


So I was at work while it was storming today and I mentioned Zeus and my co-worker thought I was talking about my manager's dog who also happens to be named Zeus.

Me: (As lightning flashes across the sky) I think Zeus is angry.
Tanner: Biph's dog?
Me: NO! The Greek god!
Heidi: I bet my dog is angry though!


Anddddd....


Heidi: Wanna take a burn break before we send Syd home, Tanner?
Me: I liked your use of alliteration.
Tanner: She's speaking nerd again.
Heidi: What's alliteration mean?! I like to know what terms mean so I can use them and not sound stupid!

Stupid rambling;

I've seen way more of my coworkers lately than my family and friends.
God..I hope my work schedule isn't like this the whole summer.
Besides, the storm was brutal today.
Tornadoes were spotted in towns nearby and I got soaked from working the window at work.
And my migraine is still here, it's not nearly as bad, but still, GO AWAY.
I mean I spent all day laying in bed and icing my neck to get rid of it.

I work the next two days:
10-4
8:30-4

I am so not meant to open and we start this new stupid promotion where this sandwich that's normally like 4 dollars is a dollar and it's going to suck! Because people are going to order so many! And I just would rather...do something else? NOT WORK. Gah, I've spent way too much time in that fast food restaurant lately. Bagged one too many Whoppers.

Ha.

Guess my parents are finally starting to finish redoing my room tomorrow. It's been in transition for two years.
FINALLY RIGHT?
Now, let's hope it happens.

I'm tired as hell and annoyed as hell, but am I going to sleep? Probably not. Oh well.

Chop my head off? Please?

50 hours when I clocked out today.
Damn.

Still got a migraine. That's nothing new. What pisses me off the most is that it won't leave. And I just got all of my ideas sorted out for this new plot and I really want to start writing. Every time I sit down to write, my head is throbbing and I just can't get the words to flow right. It's really pissing me off. My neck is swollen all the time. And I just want to scream. Either that, or chop my head off. I already suggested to one of my coworkers that he do so, but he said no because it'd get him arrested.

I just want it to go away. I want to have a clear head so I can sit down and right or enjoy the nice weather outside or times with my friends. Speaking of the weather, heat advisory tomorrow? If it's 95 degrees because of humidity I might just die at work, just sayin'. Or die in general, since you know, my house doesn't have air conditioning.

Seriously. All I want...is for my headache to disappear. And for things to be right for Jamie for once. Too much to ask? I guess so.

And you know what? I'm starting a project. I'm going to buy a freakin' journal and fill it with random shit. It doesn't have to look nice, doesn't have to be perfect. I want it to be messy and filled with thoughts, because that's what my mind is like: Chaos. IT WILL HAPPEN.

Anyway, my head is throbbing. I told my mom I'd sleep like three hours ago. Why do I fail? And why do I keep having nightmares?

Good question.

Dear Migraine;

Stop making my neck swollen
My eyelids heavy
My head throb
And stalling my writing.

I hate you.

Sincerely,

Pissed-Off-Writer

So let's review;

1.) I closed last night and then picked Jamie up at one a.m. and we proceeded to stay up until 8 a.m. and fall asleep for two and a half hours.
2.) We brainstormed ideas all day, looked up mythological creatures, came up with names and plots, skyped with Janis and ate at Burger King.
3.) I've been fighting a MAJOR migraine since yesterday afternoon and my neck likes to swell.
4.) Today was my ONLY day off this week.
5.) The weather is amazing. 73 degrees? AWESOME.
6.) I really don't want to work tomorrow.
7.) I think I sorta kinda like Corey.
8.) MY WISDOM TEETH HURT AND IT'S HARD TO EAT.
9.) Oh and I saw Morgan three days in a row and it was amazing, only now I think her phone was taken away and she's in major trouble.
10.) I scratched the Masquerade plan as cool as it was.
11.) I have an amazing plot to write into a story and I'm hoping it goes well because it's something I've wanted to write forever.

^^ These pocket watches are a huge part of this plot and story I'm starting. :D I'm excited. I'm going to map out stuff tonight and start writing.

Too much working, plots, wisdom teeth and Morgan binges;

My teeth hurt. As in, my wisdom teeth that are coming in and REALLY hurting my mouth. It feels like I have fangs poking through, not that I would know what that feels like or anything. (Jamie would find that funny considering she calls me Fangsy).But seriously, it hurts to eat. And it's swollen and I'm scared as hell to have them taken out later.

My grad party went fine, despite my mom's worries. There wasn't a ton of people,but there wasn't five either, so it was good. I'm really kinda sorta excited because my mom's friend knows a guy in publishing who she's going to try to talk to for me, which could be a step in getting published, and we all know that's my dream. I just hope something comes out of it. Even advice on how to get started to get published.

I can't explain how wonderful it is to have someone back in your life who seemed to be missing for so long. I've been on a three day Morgan binge and I'm totally okay with that. Plus, she's helped me piece ideas together for the new story I started. I'm hoping it goes somewhere and I don't try to make it too complicated because that's where I give up.

I feel like a work-o-holic. Burger King needs to hire more people. Guess I just need to think about the fact that come that paycheck, I can buy myself something nice. Or some nice things. Besides, my coworkers are always interesting, so why not see them six days a week? Still seems a little too much to me.

Wow, my blogs are so mundane...
Well, it is Mundie Monday. HAHAHA.

I have a problem with TMI series...
Considering I am now married to Simon on Facebook...

Sunshine and Masquerades;

Blogging seems kind of random lately and about nothing in particular.

I guess this one isn't either. Oh well?

I get to see Morgan for three days in a row. <3 That never happens. I've spent so long without her. It's so nice. Grad party tomorrow as well. Let's hope that turns out well, since half of my extended family isn't even coming. Kind of hurts, but I can't dwell on it, I suppose.

THE SUN WAS SHINING TODAY AND IT WAS OVER 70 DEGREES.

Enough said.

Good day.

I also changed the title of my blog, along with the URL and the banner at the top.

Guess I was just feeling a change. One was needed.

I also have the weekend off from work, which is much needed.

I felt like I was seeing my coworkers way too much. As in way more than my family or friends.

It was annoying...

On an amazing note, I started something new...as in writing. I'm not sure what the title is yet and I only have the basics of the plot figured out, but I went with the masquerade idea. And I'm really excited about it. Janis and Jamie are two of the main characters in it and I'm really feeling it. I just hope it goes well. 

Thoughts;

1.) No matter what I do, it's never enough.

Writing;

^^ Now that this is officially done, I have to start something else. I'm just itching too. Only...I really don't know what to write about this time. I need a basic idea before I do anything and so far the only things that seem to be floating around in my mind for ideas are:
-Alternate Universes
-Masquerades
-Gay teens
&&
-Someone living with an anxiety disorder

There are also several old stories in notebooks I want to try to restart and rewrite because they were interesting... I just don't know which one to do. GAH. And I need to write. Writing is what makes me, well, me.

This means, however, that I must get together with Morgan soon. It just needs to happen. NOW.

Work;

I am so sick of work....
So this is what everyone else at work feels like...
Ugh.

Not to mention I'm tired, crabby and my mother is incredibly rude today.
xP

I haven't posted in a while...

So therefore, here are some random thoughts/things that have occurred to me:

-My sleeping pattern is so effed up from learning to close. I can't sleep until like four a.m. every morning/night
-Burger King after hours is weirder than Burger King during normal hours, which is weird already
-It needs to be warmer outside
-Caitlin's TMI series texts she sends me are amazing
-I love my friends
-Half-ass apologies on Facebook the night before you leave for South Carolina when we were friends for over ten years are lame and unaccepted.
-I WANT TO READ CITY OF LOST SOULS RIGHT NOW. TEASERS ARE DRIVING ME MAD
-Must. Write. Simon/Jace. Fanfiction. Now.
-I'm really excited to RPG on roleplaygateway.com
-League of Legends is legit
-Immortal Nights MMORPG is way too addicting
-The Canucks should have won

:D

My paperback copy of my book is literally the most amazing thing I've ever held in my hands. Despite the fact that there a ton of formatting errors that make it not look like an actual book on the inside and the pages aren't numbered, because for some reason I forgot to do that when I submitted it in, it's amazing. <3 And I'm going to love it. Because it's my work. In my hands. I CAN HOLD MY WRITING IN A PRODUCT. Just sayin'. So eh, I'll deal with the crappiness of parts of it, because it was really hard to submit it in and I did a pretty damn good job. xD

Oh and closing was interesting...but now I feel wired. It should be nine o'clock, not two thirty a.m?!

Sigh.

Friends, Summer, College, Lasertagging and....Delis?

I realized last night that I've been failing at blogging lately. It's like ever since graduation happened, my mind cant' wrap around the fact that it's summer and that I don't have to go back to that high school in the fall. Maybe it's because the weather is crappy (barely 60 degrees) or maybe it's because I expected something more from graduation. I mean, I already have my college schedule. So you think it would set in, but it hasn't. I honestly have no clue.

All I know is, come August, I HAVE to be ready. To say goodbye to three people I love as they move onto college. It's going to be tough. Especially when you just became really close with them in the past year, but they have to go. They're being brave. Brave enough to follow their dreams and get out of this small, cold Wisconsin town. I applaud them for that.

I feel like all of us are so afraid this summer. We want to make all of these plans, but we're all so afraid because we know what is coming. We can't stay concentrated on that. We just can't...

I realized a lot of this sitting in Laura's kitchen yesterday with her and Janis, eating mac & cheese and singing at the top of our lungs, just before we went to Adventure Zone. (Which was really FUN by the way.) Laser tag was awesome, although little boys kept shooting us every where we turned. It gave me a huge adrenaline rush and I honestly don't remember the last time I got one of those. Plus, I sorta won a thousand tickets from one token in a machine at the arcade and stood there dumbfounded as they kept pouring out of the machine. I got a stuffed monkey with 600 of them and gave some to Laura and the rest to a little girl. :)

Plus, I'm super stuck on my TMI fanfiction that Jamie and I are working on next for our next contest. I can't seem to find a way to start it and I need some inspiration.

Other than that, I just woke up from the strangest dream. And it was creepy. Because in my dream I kept saying, "This is ridiculous. This isn't real. I'm dreaming" over and over again, but I wouldn't wake up. In my dream I couldn't remember what time I started work today. I KNOW a closing shift starts at 5, but for some reason, in my dream I was confused. (I think I had this dream because I'm nervous about closing tonight for the first time. Even though it's just training). Anyway, when I got to Burger King to check my schedule in my dream, the WHOLE place was different. IT WAS A DELI. And I have no freakin' clue why. It was called Salami King.... and it was the strangest thing EVER. I freaked out at Heidi and was just like "I have to close tonight! Where's the schedule?! Where are the burgers?" and she just kept shrugging and saying "I dunno what happened" and then Courtney kept texting me being like, "We don't have to work tonight now. Let's go partying!" And it was just really really odd....

Anyway, long rambling blog for the win?
Tonight should be interesting.
Seven and a half hours at Burger King, a lot of them spent with Tanner and Heidi.
Hopefully I don't epic fail somehow.
Just sayin'

It's been a while...

Holy shit.

These past few days have been insane.

I graduated.
I stayed up all night.
I was delusional.
I slept at Jamie's.
I went to Alex's grad party.
I came home and couldn't sleep.
I went to college orientation.
And now I can't sleep again, although I'm exhausted.
Tomorrow I have to register for classes.
Friday I learn how to close at BK..

Damn.

When I got up this morning, I was confused as to why nobody was home.
Then I remembered my summer vacation has already started.

I should be sleeping.
But instead I'm eating Ben & Jerry's icecream.

O:

Today marked the last day of my high school career.
It hasn't sunk in.
When will it sink in?
Why hasn't it sunk in?

....
I graduate tomorrow.

Damn.

Burnt my hand?

Sigh. The only day I work for almost like two weeks and I burn myself and end up having to go home. I fail and it hurts sooo fucking bad. That was the worst shower ever...considering I had to shave my legs and my hand was burning so much. xP

Tomorrow is the last day of high school.

Wow.

I can't comprehend.

It'll sink in eventually and I'll be crying...
A LOT.

Keys;

I love my new key.
Antique key necklace with copper wings and the inside of an old wristwatch.
It's beautiful.
Grad present to myself.
<3
Because I say so.
Oh, how I love antique shops.

3 more days of high school.

BLAHH.

....Well,

Thanks Mom for your like four contradicting emotions/conversations with me.
I really enjoyed spending my night crying and in confusion and feeling worthless.

Bipolar much?

Long weekend of work over.

Monday is Memorial Day which is tomorrow.
Spending the day with my family in Hayward.
Should be interesting
AND WARMMMM. <3

It's Friday before memorial day weekend...

Which means I have four days of actual school left. Holy shit.

I can't comprehend this....

I also can't comprehend how it might be 1300 dollars worth of damage.
Hopefully they get more estimates and it's cheaper.
Because I can't pay a huge rate on insurance each month because it goes up super high as a result of this.
And I can't deal with the guilt of my mom paying it so it doesn't go up....

I'm tired.
I work all weekend.
And then monday is memorial day and I'm catching up on sleep.
And then...four days left.

I'm feeling like I just want to sleep for a while and not wake up.
Because I just don't want to deal.
With emotions....

SIGH.

Thursdays usually hate me;

Today needs to end. Now.

I woke up from a nightmare
I was almost late to school
My novel said it has "issues" and I can't get my paperback copy until they are fixed and I don't even understand what's wrong with it
There was no barbeque sauce at lunch
I HIT SOMEONE'S CAR.

That's right. In the parking lot, I hit someone's door that was wide open.
Good thing he was cool about it. And his dad.
Except if it's over 1000 dollars in damage I'm going to be in so much trouble with my mom.
Insurance rates are going to go up and to prevent that she's going to have to pay money out of her pocket
I feel horrible. HORRIBLE.
I've felt horrible all day about it.

And then I had to go to work and deal with Carrie.
Of course I only worked until like seven.

Why is Tanner so sweet? Why is he so cute?
If anything, he made my day better.
He offered to work for me. He put his hand on my shoulder and told me things are going to be okay.
He kept asking me what was wrong and when I finally told him, he understood.
He told me stories of things he did that were stupid.
He kept trying to make me laugh.

"What's wrong Syd? Would you smile? You're always telling me to be in a better mood at work. I don't like seeing you like this. You're never like this. Lighten up."

^^ WITH HIS TANNER SMILE.

GAHHHHH.

I think I'm going to take some sleeping pills and "zonk" as Jamie would say. Because I really can't be awake anymore.

Because no matter what anyone tells me I'm not going to believe it's okay until I hear how much the damage cost is tomorrow.

....

That award ceremony made me feel more stupid than it made me feel accomplished.

.....I really just need to get some confidence.
Before I die.

Sometimes...

Sometimes I just need a good cry. Like today. And now I want to cry all over again?

There are so many things stirring up these emotions inside of me...

Graduation....the ending of high school, starting college, saying goodbye to amazing people, the fear of losing touch with them, the fear of being forgotten, the fear of everything changing on me. I hate change. I've never adjusted well to it. I do well on routine, on making plans for myself and to-do lists.

I feel like everyone is so caught up in their own thing, what they need to get done, where they're going for school, their life...and figuring everything out. And we don't have much time left together and I'm realizing that even though they're still here....it's like a lot of them are already gone. In the sense of mind, I mean. I've grown attached to these people in so many ways, in such a few short months. Less than a year or so it seems....And I'm scared. So scared. And I miss them all. I miss them even though I see them everyday.

And I just...miss things in general. Life moves fast. And I'm scared, excited, sad and nostalgic.

I just need to breathe...I just want everyone else to take a break and take a breath with me...

Feelings and Stabbing;

Suddenly....

I feel really unloved.

I don't know where this feeling came from.

Maybe it's because time is running out in high school and all of my friends are busier than hell.

But.....gah.

I hate this feeling.

Having dreams about your coworker stabbing you to death and then seeing them at work the next day is not cool. Just sayin.'

Glee dreams, naps and placement testing;

Today I took a nap. <3 I never take naps and it was wonderful. Especially after a long week of school, long hours at the King and college placement tests at 8 a.m this morning which involved me getting out of bed at 7. Plus, I have allergies or the beginning of a cold. Please tell me it's just allergies... Anyway, during this amazing four hour nap I had a dream I was on Glee, except the entire time I was freaking out because my mom wouldn't sign the permission slip to let me go to nationals. Rachel Berry kept harassing me about it and Blaine hated me for reasons unknown. Just every time I passed Darren Criss, he'd glare at me. I don't understand...

College placement tests were...interesting. The math part looked mostly gibberish to me. Probably because the last year of math I completed was in tenth grade and that was two years ago... All of that geometry nonsense hurt my brain and after a while I was just filling in random bubbles. I do not want to take math next year. I'm going to be put in the lowest level. I wouldn't be surprised. And then I have to work my way up....Sigh. The Spanish test made more sense to me than the math. I stayed for the entire test and finished it, understanding a majority of it while most people left after ten or fifteen minutes. I felt good about that at least...

I'm done with high school in two weeks. I have one half of a monday left in high school, which is tomorrow since we have memorial day off. Insane, huh? I'm thinking so.

Anyway, I feel shitty, I should go to bed and I work five days this week which should be brutal and tiring, so I'm going to go to sleep.

It's Friday....

Oh, I am so tired. Too bad this weekend is full of work and college placement tests...

Two weeks left of school.

Two weeks left of high school in general.

I'm going to start closing at Burger King in a few weeks. O:

I'm gonna get trained in it.

That should be interesting.

At least it's Heidi and Tanner.

Top Two Things that happened at work today:

1. When I accidentally hit Heidi in the face with my ponytail and she said "You whipped your hair at my face!" and then we both started singing "Whip My Hair" by Willow Smith at the same time.

2. Tanner quit smoking weed and cigarettes. He immediately became more attractive.

GRRRR.

Uhm, I'm sorry Mrs. Wolden, but this is not right.

I did not fail the Lord of the Flies test.

You fail as a teacher.

And I will be glad to say goodbye to your glass come June.

I WILL BE A WAY BETTER ENGLISH TEACHER THAN YOU.

Okay,

So I feel like a major dork, but I'm really proud of myself. I got a Connection Slip today at work. We started this thing a few months ago that all Burger King's are doing called "Making Connections." You sign a pledge to make connections with customers, be polite and helpful, etc. Only two people had gotten slips up until tonight. It was a super busy night and as I was handing out my last order before going home at 9:45, Lee walked over and taped something onto my name tag. It was a Connection slip and it said "For your positive attitude and plenty of pleases and thank you's throughout the night."

I felt good about that.

In other news, I'm exhausted and spent all day around rocks. Climbing rocks, examining rocks, looking for rocks, etc. I also climbed over a fence to get into somewhere for the first time ever. I think our entire class was trespassing.... xD Yay for geology fieldtrips.

Meh.

I really hate it when my mom just comes home in a bad mood and asking her a simple question turns into her yelling at you about everything and anything that doesn't have to do with your simple yes or no question. It's frustrating. She should learn to control herself. I get she's in a bad mood, but not everyone in the house needs to be.

I was able to cross a few things off of my to-do list today. I feel a little less crazy.

My head hurts. Like always.

conquered;

I have conquered my british literature research paper...sorta. And you know what? I don't care if it's horrible. It's done and I tried semi-hard on it. I'm just so sick of school.

Last night was the weirdest night EVER. I know I got sleep. A good amount of it, but it felt like I hadn't slept at all. I was falling asleep all day in class and had the worst headache ever. And then I randomly took a 45 minute nap on my release? Stress. That's what it is.

One more essay to do before Friday.

Must. Find. Motivation.

Not many days left of school and I'll be walking that stage.

Ahhh, for a monday...today wasn't that bad.

Red Mug, why didn't I discover you earlier? I spent three hours there today with Jamie. Chatting, eating paninis and kettle chips, drinking hot chocolate and lemonade. And guess what? My research paper for british literature is near done! I have about 3/4 of a page left and a citation page! BUT IT'S ALMOST DONE. Plus, I got all my scholarship shenanigans done so I can turn that in tomorrow and that crosses almost two complete things off of my to do list. Now I just have that ridiculous geology paper and studying for spanish vocab quizzes to do. I think I'll lay down and read a chapter or two of Lord of the Flies before I sleep because I actually like the book and I need to get a little caught up. I think i just need to take things one day at a time, otherwise I'll go insane.

Almost done with high school...

Now for dinner with the family, a nice hot shower and delving into Lord of the Flies....

Pointless....

For the most part, a much needed good weekend.

Back to the busy hellish life again tomorrow.

At least I've got half of this stupid research paper done.

Goodnight.

Mmm;

Tonight was one of those nights of simplicity.

Red Mug. Random chatting. Comfortable silence. Hot chocolate. Vanilla scented candles. Tumblr stalking Ian Somerhalder and Alex Pettyfer. Obsessing over The Mortal Instruments Series.

....As usual.

I couldn't ask for a better best friend.

Goodnight.

Friday;

Blogger decided to fail at life yesterday when I needed it most...

I AM SO GLAD IT'S FRIDAY.

FRIDAY, FRIDAY, SYDNEE'S GETTING SLEEP ON FRIDAYYYYY.

Sorry. I'm a dork. I get it, but last night was hell-ish. I was sick from too much caffeine the entire night and barely got four hours of sleep, probably less than that. Plus my Red Wings lost. D: And it's the end of the second season of Vampire Diaries. (The episode was REALLY good by the way). I cleaned up my room a bit tonight and made brownies. It's nice to just sit here and relax. Thank god my british literature research paper's due date was changed to Wednesday. That's nice. Gives me some cushion...

I can't believe how fast school is going. This is scary as SHIT.
AND WTF AM I DOING?! I have to start thinking of Grad gifts....
And prepare myself for saying goodbye to three amazing people: Janis, Caitlin and Sydney.

SIGH.

Honestly I'm just glad I survived this week.

So...

I feel  a little bit better about life now. I finished one of my papers out of three. I did it all tonight and I'm going to get 10 percent extra credit on it for turning it in early. Not like I need it with a 103 percent, but still. It's nice to have something done. Makes me feel a bit ahead of the game... Now I just have my Brit Lit research paper and my Geology essay....Ew. But that knocks one thing off of my list. Plus I worked on my scholarship thank you letters a bit as well.

I need all the tranquility I can get since I almost gave myself a heart attack today. I made a to-do list, which usually helps sort out the tasks I have to complete, but instead it made me panic. I freaked out that I wouldn't get anything done and had this urge all day to just go home and get started on everything because I was so overwhelmed and scared. I was fidgety and unable to concentrate and I remember sitting in Spanish class ready to break, scraping my hand up against the desk to relieve the tension. Of course I only remembered this at the end of the day when I saw how scratched up my hand was. No idea why I did that or why at the time I didn't realize what I was doing...

All I know is that I need to take a deep breath. I just really hate how much is piled on in the last three weeks of school when all I want is to graduate and move on.

Oh well...take it one day at a time. That's what I gotta tell myself, I guess.

GAME 7 HERE WE COME!

Down 3-0 in the series? And guess what Sharks? We just tied it up!
Game 7 here we come!
Back to San Jose, for the game that decides it all.

I know you can do it guys. <3
We're going at Vancouver!
We WILL.

Too bad I'll be at work while the game's going on and I'll probably only see the end. D:
I better get text updates from my dad....

too much to do;

Things I have to do before June:

-All Night Grad Party permission slip and baby photos
-Sign up for S.O.A.R
-UWS placement tests
-Scholarship thank you letters
-American Government essay
-Brit Lit essay
-Clean up my room...
-Get my hair cut
-Finish revisions on my book
-Work


....Sigh. I should get started on some of that tonight except I'm going to end up:
Watching Glee
Watching the Red Wings game.
^^ the one that decides it all.
THEY MUST ADVANCE TO PLAY THE CANUCKS <3

"I mean, what would life be like without crying?"
"Dry?"

^^ Jamie and I are AWESOME.

...Uh.

That moment when you you're so damn tired that you feel like biting someone's head off.

Goodnight.

Kronwall (:

^^ The reason we're not totally dying right now. 

2-1.

You can pull this off, Red Wings.

I KNOW IT.

Sunday Day Shift...

Sunday day shifts at work are always the most interesting out of all the times I work.

The Usual Sunday Crew:
-Heidi
-Jessica
-Tanner
-Dan
-Corey

Top 10 Interesting/Awesome Things That Happened Today:

10.) How Jess and I failed at breakfast and my hands were shaking so bad I couldn't get the french toast sticks in the carton.
9.) How we all kept dropping things throughout the day. (Dishes, onion rings, money)
8.) Tanner's story about him and his friends going on road trips and driving around blasting Jock Jams and peeing in water bottles. "It's really hard to pee and drive at the same time, Syd!"
7.) "Totes my goats" and "For real my seal" becoming frequently used phrases among us.
6.) Tanner's high pitched scream when he burned himself on onion rings trying to save them when he tried to put them in the bag and missed.
5.) Tanner and I singing along to "Never Too Late" by Three days Grace when it came on his iPhone on Pandora.
4.) Heidi's random dance moves when "Stereo Love" came on.
3.) The large abundance of compliments I get on my eye glitter.
2.) The fact that we're getting ice cream cones.
1.) Exchanging awkward glances all day.

In no specific order.

-Sigh-

Dear Tumblr,

You piss me off.

Sincerely,

Sydnee

alala;

‎"'Mouth to brain, can you read me? Please send further instructions." -Flip


That was a really good book. Made me a bit more motivated to add the scenes I need to to my book, which needs to be done by June.
Not to mention I have so many essays to write...


I had a great night with Jamie. She made me breakfast in the morning. :D




This is a pointless blog...


Time to go to work!

Sadness?

That episode of Vampire Diaries was no help in boosting my mood.

Jenna died.

And Damon's probably on his way to death....

I don't understand how they can save him at this point.

Apparently the finale next week is supposed to be 'gut wrenching.'

....Sigh. It is now midnight and being the good student I am, I haven't touched my homework and instead came home and cried for a good hour and a half and then watched Vampire Diaries which made me cry all over again.

My head hurts and I can't stand the thought of doing anything that makes me have to think....

I'm worried about everything. About everybody in my life. Not so much that I won't persevere, but that they won't. I'm terrified of that. Happiness shouldn't be too much to ask for.

If there's a God, what the hell is he doing? And why isn't He/whoever helping those I love?

Could this be out of line;

To say you're the only one, breaking me down like this?


One of the most agonizing pains I've ever felt: Glitter burning your eyes when you're crying and your make-up is running down your face.

I don't want to feel like this.
I don't want things to get this complicated.
I want simplicity back.
To feel like I have control over how I feel.

Is it horrible that I feel like locking myself in my room all day tomorrow?
I don't want to talk to anybody right now.
I just want to shut out the world
Listen to my music
And enjoy a new episode of Vampire Diaries.

I don't even know how to describe how I'm feeling.
I just want to hide.

We'll see how easy sleep comes tonight.

VITAMIN D FINALLY!

Living in Wisconsin, I feel as if I am often deprived of sun. It feels like it's winter 99 percent of the year and the seasons just don't want to change. Monday morning it was snowing. Today it was in the sixties and sunny with this amazing breeze that skyrocketed my mood. Not to mention I spent the morning half of my day at Amincon Falls State Park wandering around aimlessly with one of my best friends. That sunshine is just enough to brighten my day. (HA. PUN). Anyway... it was much needed, considering the toll stress is taking on me lately. I need to just take a moment to breathe, but often that's the hardest thing for me to do.

I just turned in my psychology project on Generalized Anxiety Disorder. Is it sad that the entire case study I wrote for it consists of events that have ALL happened to me? I don't want to seem like I'm self diagnosing myself, but often I really feel as if I have this disorder. And it SUCKS. The anxiety doesn't leave you alone and you worry non-stop about everyday things most people only shrug at. It makes me think I'm crazy...

I started writing a poem about it that developed from the last paragraph of my case study. I'll probably post it on here later.

All I know is, I'm STARVING. And I'm holding onto that sunshine I got this morning. <3
Because with graduation exactly ONE MONTH from today...I'm getting a little nostalgic and...frazzled.

Breathe, Sydnee. Just breathe.

Gotta turn the world into your dancefloor;

I need to be less of a spazz.
How ironic is that I practically had an anxiety attack while writing my anxiety disorder research paper for psychology? xP
Fail.

I embarrass myself and now my stomach is sick.
Bleh.

Work.
Hopefully getting my car back tonight.
Glee.
Homework.
Picking out clothes for tomorrow

Amnicon Falls field trip for the morning tomorrow.
I'll take it.

Sigh...

A simple text can make me sick to my stomach.

"He said he was sorry he missed. I told him he really should say sorry to you. He got silent and looked like he fucked up. I think he said he was going to...but he was wasted."

^^ Wonderful.

Why do I even care?

I wanna feel some sensitivity;

On repeat lately ^^

Fieldtrips;

I spent half of my day freezing my ass off in the woods with a ton of people, tripping over sticks and navigating myself through an unsturdy bridge covered by trees and branches over a creek. Interesting huh?

"What kind of a tree is this?"
"Uhhh....."
"THAT'S A BIRCH TREE!"
"This is why some species eat their young."

Mr. Polkinghorne, you are so entertaining.

My head hurts.
I want my car.
My new glitter eye kit Aubrey got me is amazing.
I failed a spanish vocab quiz today.

Why can't you just apologize?

AHAHAHAHA. DAMON. <3

.....Come on Red Wings... YOU GOT THIS.
MAKE MY DAY BETTER DAMNIT. <./3

I...

am eating my emotions.

One word: Donuts.

I fail.

I got 3 scholarships? 1,500 dollars. Yay!

My room's a mess.

I'm too lazy to clean it up.

I have no idea how I'm getting to school or work this week....

Someday You Will Be Loved;

My head hurts so bad.

I put myself through so much nervousness, so much sickness, so much spazziness. So much...everything.
I panicked. I worried. I made myself sick. All for nothing. And not because it went well. Because he didn't even show. The sad thing? This is one of the things I was panicking about. Him not showing. Normally my worries are irrational, but this one actually happened.

Apparently he was sleeping. But he couldn't text me an apology, couldn't call me or anything. No, but he texted Lucas and told him that he was sleeping, but not me.

First date and I was practically stood up. Win, right?

Is it so hard, to ask to feel....beautiful for once? Liked? Special? Important? By a guy? Just once. In my life. I'm eighteen years old.

And this wasn't a confidence booster.

Is it totally pathetic that I'm crying? I tried so hard not to. So hard...
This is so damn stupid.

And my mom is pissed off at every moment about something different.
Please Mom, just leave me alone.

Everyone, just....shut up. Please.

And I can't even blog about the good stuff that happened last night...the amazing friends I have. Instead, this is all that's on my mind.

That and I probably put Jamie through awkward hell last night.
Why can't she see that people do like her?
That she's not a fuck up?
That it's not her fault?

wakgjewaljakjglawgjawkljgkrjgrkgjrjrkagjkeagjawejawgkaj.

"But I know your heart belongs to someone you've yet to meet

Someday you will be loved."

-Death Cab For Cutie

Okay, scratch that.

Shut up, Mom.

I feel...

A little better today. Sure, I have a headache and my mother was pissed off that I didn't wake up to my alarm on time, but we're still gonna have plenty of time to set up for my birthday party. Speaking of that, I don't think there's been one year where it hasn't rained on my birthday party....Fail.

I'm going to have fun tonight. (:

If I get it all down on paper, its no longer inside of me, threatening the life they belong to;

I can't seem to handle these continuous outbursts of anxiety. I might laugh it off. Say that I'm a spazz and pretend it's funny. But really, it's the thing I'm most self conscious about. I'm afraid everyone around me thinks I'm crazy and that it's going to drive them away from me.

I keep getting this tightness in my chest lately, like I need to gasp for breath.

I mean, it's so hard to even sleep lately. I refuse to lay down for the purpose of sleeping anymore. I let the sleep overtake me when it wants to just to avoid that period of time when I have to lay there and all of the thoughts come rushing to the front of my mind. The worries about whether or not my laundry will get done, or the urge to rifle through my backpack because I'm sure I forgot to do something. It's irrational.

I feel crazy. I feel like I need something. Something to make this better... Because it's not working out for me. Not at all.

How do you feel? 

^^ On repeat lately

Vampire Diaries; The Last Day

Vampire Diaries. A good distraction from everything else.

I'm excited to see how this all plays out. That was two twists I certainly was not prepared for.

Two more episodes left before the finale and it was renewed for a 3rd season?

You've done it again, Vampire Diaries....

God I love that show.

"In season 3, I'm hoping I get to kill some vampires. Because as the resident vampire hunter of the town, all I really do is run around and lie to my girlfriend. I'd like to actually do some killing," -Matthew Davis (Alaric Saltzman from Vampire Diaries)

Anxious High?!

Lately I feel like someone else. Like, since I turned eighteen, I discovered some weird hidden part of myself. I'm not sure if it's good or bad, but it's sort of freaking me out.

I've been on this anxious high for...two days now? Since yesterday morning when I rolled out of bed. I don't even understand how that happened, but I keep freaking out about one thing after another. First a permission slip that I lost (which I found this morning by the way), then about being asked on a date (I proceeded to fall off of my bed and laugh into the floor for five minutes and then decide to eat cake, which was obviously a good idea given how sick I was to my stomach and how I was hyperventilating). Today I was still freaking out about that and then I totally went into the hallway where Courtney was practically cornered and being yelled at by her "friends" who aren't her "friends" anymore. They're so mean and immature. "You going to cry Courtney?" Like, who does that? So I walked right over, grabbed Courtney's arm, and told her, "This is when you walk away. You don't take this shit." And then they turned on me and were like "SHE STARTED IT!" (Such an elementary response) To which I replied, "So humiliating her and yelling at her in the hallway is the solution?" Their response: "Well she won't talk to us outside of school." Me: "Well I wouldn't want to talk to you either if I was being treated like this." They started to yell and I put up my hand and walked away, still not believing that I did that. Where did this adrenaline come from?! How did I make myself go out there? I feel like I just got a little sassy.... Hmm, anyway, Courtney thanked me. I guess I think it's because I'm so past that shit that I can just react to it like that. I mean, who does that anymore? Two of them were seniors? Is that any way to act? It makes me want to face palm. THAT'S RIDICULOUS.

Plus, I keep getting confused on what day it is and I fell asleep last night and woke up because I knocked my laptop on the floor! (Sorry Ollie) And apparently I didn't turn off my lamp because I woke up with it on. My head hurts...

How much Fong likes Jamie is SO CUTE. I feel like Janis, overwhelmed with cuteness lately. Gah.

NEW VAMPIRE DIARIES TONIGHT.  <3

Ramblerambleramble.
BYE.

Oh and another email from Sofi Santiago...fantastic.

WHY AM I SUCH A SPAZZ?!?!?!

I'm a spazz 10x more than usual today. I LOST MY PERMISSION SLIP. IT WAS IN MY BACKPACK. MY BACKPACK ATE IT. ATE IT. Then I was talking in strange accents randomly all day. AND I TEXTED SOMEONE IN MY SLEEP AGAIN TALKING ABOUT WEED. WHAT IS WRONG WITH HIM?!?!?!?

I feel SICK. Like I can't breathe. IT'S SO HARD TO BREATHE. WHERE IS THE PAPER BAG?! Sydnee Chipman is going on her first date?! WHAT!?!?!?!?!?!?!??!?!?!?  Is this happening? How is this happening? I'm so scared. I instantly got sick. At least he seems kind of shy too about it. And Lucas already had a talk with Kyle because he was freaking out about things being serious. I guess Lucas had to tell him to chill because he was so worried about it. He had to remind Lucas that it was a FIRST date and first dates are to get to know each other. That makes me feel better, but I'm so scared. SO SO SO SCARED.

HI. OH MY GOD.

I guess we're seeing Rio....that makes me laugh that Kyle picked that. At least my birthday party is the night before so I can be distracted. SUNDAYYY. SUNDAYYYY.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. I AM SO FREAKED OUT. MY HANDSSS KEEEP SHAKINGGGGGGGG.

I need to calm down.

Sydnee.... (pause) Calm down.

Just think like Laura's here....

Rain....

I really really really really wanna watch the new Glee episode. 90 minutes!!!!!
I have a problem.
Brakes went out today....again.
Yay for paying more money and not having a car to drive again.
And yay for the snow/rain.
Yay for being eighteen but not feeling like it?

In other news, The Invisible Children presentation was really inspiring. I bought a t-shirt in support!
:D

Lastly, this dude is adorable. Plus he's got an amazing voice.

Can you say Simon Lewis in Mortal Instruments?

HAHAHA.

That awkward moment when you're driving with all of your windows down in your car, singing along to Ke$ha's "Tik Tok" at the top of your lungs and one of your coworkers is walking across the street and they see you looking more or less like an idiot.


Yes, Dan. That was me.

Eighteen;

It's my day of birth. I still can barely believe it. Today, I am eighteen. Today, I was born, eighteen years ago. It's insane. It's another reminder that I'm growing up and that high school is coming to a close. It's exciting and scary as hell all at once.

Damn. 

In less than an hour...

I turn eighteen.
Well...technically not until 10:41 p.m...
Why doesn't it feel like my birthday?
Oh yeah, because it's gonna be Easter.
Fail.

I almost kept crying today.
I don't really know what's going on.
But it's like...I feel like me turning eighteen isn't that big of a deal.
And it's SUPPOSED to be, right?
I don't know...

I feel so insignificant today.
Why?
No idea.

Just in time for my birthday, Jake Coco <3

Fail?

That awkward moment when you want to face-palm because your parents have been so sick and frazzled that your 18th birthday became a last minute thing and you come home from work and they ask you, "Do you want to see your cake?" in a tone that only suggests it cannot be good and when they open the fridge it's a Twilight cake and you just shrug and laugh, because you're going to eat it regardless, even if Robert Pattinson is staring you in the face. Cake is cake.

^^ My life currently.

Sigh. Work was annoying today. Carrie can STFU. I know what I'm doing.

We R Who We R....sang by a guy? WIN.

This is kind of amazing. He does really good covers of a lot of songs. <3

30 Days Mortal Instruments Challenge: Day 5

Day 5: Your favorite fight/battle scene:

It's not really much of a battle or a fight. In fact, it's pretty much one sided. The part in which Simon's just walking and 'muggers' try to attack him and his Mark of Cain pretty much blows them up. Bad. Ass.

LALALALA.

I'm tired....Really tired. Like, so tired that I'm glad I don't have school tomorrow. I have a four day weekend and I turn eighteen on Sunday! Plus, tomorrow night I get to go to the Olive Garden for my birthday dinner! It's a bit early, but when your birthday is on Easter... Eh, it's kind of weird and I don't really like it because it won't feel like my birthday, but I'm also excited for my birthday party.

Today was odd. Today and yesterday just felt so off and today I just felt like....I don't know. When I got to work and Tanner pretty much yelled at me I felt odd after that. I still don't understand what he was talking about. I think Courtney has something to do with it...

Vampire Diaries was insane, but as good as ever. I think I've sort of taken an extreme liking to Elijah. For this reason and more...

A hybrid of a werewolf and vampire?! A new race?! Damn. 

I've got so much laundry to put away tomorrow. Plans? To sleep. And enjoy it fully. And then spend my day tomorrow writing, cleaning up and then going to Olive Garden! Woo?

What if this storm ends? And I don't see you as you are now, ever again;

I wish I could....help. Help more than humanly possible. I want super powers. To make things better for people. It's the one thing I would wish for. I hate seeing others in pain. Can I just take it all away? Please? If there's a God, could he? Because no human being deserves this. Especially not her. I'd rather be with her right now then going to work. I get tears in my eyes just thinking about it. How smart a person can be. How nice. How interesting. How accepting. How beautiful. And how they can't be allowed to be happy. How do you find the patch of sun in the dark clouds, pouring rain and lightning?

Why must there be suffering? 

I'm going to go to work with this question lingering in my mind, along with a thousand other thoughts.

30 Days Mortal Instruments Challenge: Day 4

Day 4: A character you love that everyone hates:


Sebastian. Jonathan. Whatever his name is. Okay, so he's evil. And everyone probably hates him. But he makes for a very interesting story. He's so....corrupted. It's definitely interesting. The series would be lacking something without him, even if he's scary as shit.

Can I...

Just go to sleep for a few days? Then I'll be ready to take on everything again.

Today was just so...off. I mean, it wasn't HORRIBLE. But it felt like it. The power outage at work was interesting. Kinda freaky. Kinda funny. I love how everyone resorts to playing with a hackie sack.

This Geology Assessment makes no sense. I want to kill it. Rip it up and throw it into fire. It's a waste of like fifteen pages of paper because it makes no sense. It hurts my brain. Part of it is due tomorrow, but I'm not even taking it out of my backpack for the risk that my brain might explode on the spot.

All I want to do is sleep. Sleep, write, dream and read. I'm getting way too lazy for school. Everything just seems so trivial....homework. I fail.

I'm exhausted because I'm not caught up on sleep ever since...what, Friday? And I don't want to do anything. I need to go home on my release tomorrow and study for spanish and actually do laundry before I run out of clothes to wear. Jeez, I'm an idiot.

I'm going to drop dead and ignore my geology homework and possibly get myself into major trouble for tomorrow. Oh well. At least tomorrow I get cupcakes in psychology like we do once a week. :D And I get to hang out with Jamie and Janis after school...

Goodnight.

Tuesday....

I'm really tired.
The wind is really annoying.
Construction workers need to leave my house.
I have to go to work soon.
I'm going to miss Glee.

D: <----------- this is how I feel about all of this.

Morganville...

‎"Did you see my ninja move? That was fast, right?" 
"You are not a ninja, Shane." 
"I've watched all the movies. I just haven't gotten the certificate from the correspondence course yet."

"Tell you what: you can be Glammera the vampire hunter. I'll stick with manly and heavily armed."


"You're seriously going to worry about what people think right now?"
"No, I'm worrying about people taking pictures and putting them on Facebook. That crap never dies. Kind of like you, Mikey."
Michael, straight-faced, said, "He's got a point, because I would definitely take pictures. So would you." 
Eve had to grin. "Yeah, I would. Okay, then. But you'd look glam. I could fix you up with silver eye shadow to match."

Just a few Morganville Vampires quotes from Ghost Town.  (:

30 Days Mortal Instruments Challenge: Day 3

Day 3: A character you hate that everyone loves:


I don't really know if everyone really loves a character that I hate. Maybe some people love Clary and I find her absolutely annoying. Just really....annoying. As mentioned in above post. I also really dislike Raphael. Maybe some people love him? He's just....way too harsh to Simon

BK Party?

Today was interesting. I don't really know how else to describe it. I guess this weekend was in general. Although work was annoying and a lot of work, I was trusted to do it all because I'd do a good job. I never thought I'd get to go to a Burger King party. They're only every four years or so, so it was cool to be able to attend one. At first it was kind of awkward. We were some of the last people to show up. But we got some people to sit with us. Lucas was sort of entertaining. Our conversations. Even if he did leave after the awards ceremony ended to go get hot wings. xD But I'm so glad Laura went with me. Made me feel a little bit better about everything since I was hesitant to go in the first place.

Ten Things of the night:
1.) Everybody looks so different out of their work uniforms!!!!
2.) I never thought I'd win "Team Member of the Year" along with four others from my restaurant.
3.) I wasn't surprised I tripped when I got up to get my award. Yay for plaques?
4.) Why does Tanner look so cute in a polo, jeans and a backwards hat?!
5.) Why is fancy food always too much?
6.) I find it funny that the place was so fancy and half of my coworkers were high. So classy, I promise.
7.) Dancing with several people from our restaurant and another in Duluth was really FUN. Cha-Cha Slide, Macarena and YMCA? Good thing Cheng dragged us all out onto the dance floor.
8.) Bryce's dance moves are hilarious.
9.) My manager, Heidi, coming out onto the dancefloor for like five seconds to fist pump before running away.
10.) DRUNK PEOPLE ARE REALLY FUNNY, ESPECIALLY COREY.

I was not expecting Corey to get out on the dancefloor, let alone dancing as crazy as he did. It was kind of hilarious. It's even more hilarious when a drunk guy tells you what lane to be in while driving home. He was singing David Archuleta's 'Crush' on the way home very enthusiastically. And was all "IS THIS WHERE THE BIG BOAT IS?!" when we were driving by Canal Park. God, what a win.

I was so proud of myself for dancing in general and winning an award, even if it is lame. And I only managed to pull out my book once! I've become more outgoing and it's a start. Of course it took me until I was almost eighteen to get there.

Speaking of that...I'M EIGHTEEN IN A WEEK. <3

It's not fair that some people are so cute. And then you hate yourself for liking them when you know you're way too different and they don't look at you that way at all. And in general, it just wouldn't work. Oh well.

I should really go to bed.

Nerdom;

Well, that was a major 30 something hours of nerdom with Jamie. :D Discussing books, making breakfast for dinner, watching Harry Potter, stalking Mortal Instruments stuff online, planning a fanfiction for two hours, writing fanfiction, going to Applebees, buying the new Morganville Vampires books, drawing a new butterfly, laughing at quotes from books, analyzing characters, etc. I really couldn't ask for a better friend. Honestly. <3 Plus, she did my makeup amazing. Talk about blue and glitter overload.

Plus, my dad's home again. <3 FOR GOOD.
I'm pretty happy, despite the fact it snowed today.

Well it was more of,
snow
sun
snow
sun
snow
sun
..........

WTF mother nature?!

HAHAHA.

Jace: I've got a stele we can use. Who wants to do me?

Magnus: A regrettable choice of words.

....I don't have an obsession;

LOLOLOLOLOLOL.

RUNESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS. <333

Random? XD

1. Pick any one of your favourite Mortal Instruments books (City of Bones, City of Glass, or City of Ashes).

2. Randomly flip to a page for each question/statement and answer with a quote or sentence!

1. What will Simon and his friends name their band next? 

Wave of nausea

2. What will Jace name his next seraph blade? 

Blowing desert sandstorm

3. The best way to kill a demon.

"Possession?"

4. What Magnus Bane and Alec Lightwood will do on their next date.

"Are you willing?"

5. A line in a love letter from Valentine Morgenstern to Jocelyn Fray.

"I like her. She reminds me of me."

6. What will the next rune that Clary Fray creates be called? 

"You are not trivial" rune

7. What Church is thinking at this exact moment.

"Your friends will never accept what you are. Only what you pretend to be."

8. The name of the next demon that will attack Jace Wayland. 

"Alexander."

9. What Magnus Bane would see if he faced the Greater Demon of fear, Agramon.

Jace's face was a mask of horror.

10. What Jace Wayland was really thinking when he let Simon Lewis drink his blood. 

"Oh, shut up Alec."

11. The translation of what Sebastian Verlac really said to Jace Wayland in Romanian in City of Glass.

"I'm sorry about what I did. I know I said it before, but I really mean it."

12. The name Valetine Morgenstern considered before calling the group of shadowhunters he lead “the Circle.”

"The Gelatinous Cube"

13. The title of Jace Wayland’s first original composition for the piano.

"So shall you be dealt pain?"

14. The theme of Magnus Bane’s next party.

"Tomato soup and mangoes." 

15. What the Silent Brothers wear under their robes.

Lipgloss, baby powder and blood.

16. The saying on Simon Lewis’ t-shirt at the moment.

"This from the guy who has all the sex appeal of a penguin."

17. Jace Wayland’s secret fetish. 

"Thin layer of nerd."

18. The species of Isabelle Lightwood’s next boyfriend. 

Worm.

19. The title and author of the next book Luke Garroway will sell from his book store.

Wing backed chair by Camille

20. What’s going to happen in South Carolina?

"Hamlet."

30 Days Mortal Instruments Challenge: Day 2

Day 2: Your least favorite character:


This one is awarded to Clary Fray/Morgenstern. Whatever she goes by. And it's not for the typical reason most people dislike her, because they're jealous that she has Jace. She's just....bland. She doesn't really DO anything, if you think about it. She's just there. Other characters develop way more than she does in the books and the parts with her in it, aren't nearly as hilarious as the others. Plus, she sort of played with Simon. And he's my favorite. Plus, everyone cares about her and she doesn't seem so quick to help anybody else.... Sigh, Clary...  

Alex Pettyfer.

This just made my night. <3

30 Days Mortal Instruments Challenge: Day 1

Day 1: Your favorite character:


This one goes to SIMON LEWIS. <3 Daylighter Vampire Nerd. I'm always the one to fall for the human nerdy and caring characters and normally I dislike the vampire characters, but I still love him, so that says a lot. He didn't want to become a vampire and he kind of fails at being one. And....I would too. So that's why. I feel so bad that he turned into a vampire, but he tries so hard to hold onto his humanity. Plus, he's nerdy and absolutely sweet. He's totally selfless and puts everybody else first and plus now in the fourth book he learned how to be a little snarky back at Jace. (Yes, I did just the use the word snarky). He's so loyal and has a touch of B.A to him, which is enough for me. :D

Mortal Instruments 30 Day Challenge? Don't mind if I do....

Day 1: Your favorite character:
Day 2 Your least favorite character:
Day 3: A character you hate that everyone loves:
Day 4: A character you love that everyone hates:
Day 5: Your favorite fight/battle scene:
Day 6: A scene that made you laugh:
Day 7: A scene that made you cry:
Day 8: The character you are most like:
Day 9: Your favorite quote:
Day 10: Alec or Jace?
Day 11: Something you hate about the series:
Day 12: A character you wish hadn’t died:
Day 13: A character you wish had died:
Day 14: Your favorite Rune:
Day 15: Favorite weapon of choice:
Day 16: A question you wish had been answered in the book:
Day 17: The worst death:
Day 18: A song that reminds you of the series:
Day 19: Your favorite pairing(s):
Day 20: Your least favorite pairing(s):
Day 21: Favorite Downworlder:
Day 22: Your favorite book of the four:
Day 23: Your favorite secondary character:
Day 24: What would you be: Vampire, Shadowhunter, Warlock, Werewolf, etc?
Day 25: Your dream cast:
Day 26: Favorite Isabelle quote:
Day 27: Favorite Shadow Hunter:
Day 28: Isabelle or Maia for Simon?
Day 29: Favorite Jace quote:
Day 30: Your favorite thing about the entire series:

Vampire Diaries: The Last Dance;

Emotional. Mind. Fuck.


That is all.

Nyquil, Zombies and the weekend;

Reasons I'm excited for this weekend:

-House to myself for a night.

-Dad's moving back home.

-Jamie's spending the night.

-Burger King Party.

(:

I can't believe I'm eighteen in about a week...

I can't believe senior year is flying by SO fast...

Nyquil gives me crazy dreams. Not like I already didn't know this, but last night's dream was INSANE. Zombies again, of course. But I feel like I need to put this one somewhere so I don't forget it.

My mom was screaming at me at the beginning of the dream to bring my friends home who all live in Duluth. Finally we all left in this HUGE van. I mean, a BIG ASS van. It was black and held like 93853849343 people. No kidding. But I was driving it. But as we were driving, one of the people in the van (I didn't know who any of them were. Well in my dream I did, but the only person in my dream I know in real life is Aubrey) was on a laptop and he was all "THERE'S A ZOMBIE OUTBREAK" and the rest of us were all "He's just crayyyzayyy." And then there were zombies! We were all scared out of our minds and nobody would go home so we ended up just driving around for days.  I don't know, but it was a long time. Everyone started going crazy in the van and we all had our phones plugged in and Aubrey was texting. WHO WAS SHE TEXTING DURING A ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE?! I don't know. Maybe she was asking Caitlin "ARE YOU DEAD YET?!" Anyway...everyone was going insane from being in there so long and they were all "WE HAVE TO KICK SOMEONE OUT OF THE VAN. LIKE IT'S ON AN ISLAND. IT'S TIME TO VOTE SOMEONE OFF." And I was all O: "NO! We can't do that! You guys are crazy! We're not getting rid of anybody!" And everyone was looking at the innocent blonde kid. "GET RID OF HIM!" D: I kept telling them no and they were all protesting. Then we were super low on gas, so we stopped at an abandoned gas station and I had several people as my look outs while I filled up my car and a zombie came out of nowhere and the BAMF kid with the laptop killed the zombie. And then we got back into the van. Everyone looked really creepy like they knew something I didn't. But I shook it off and we continued driving. After about ten minutes of silence. I asked what was going on. Then I looked back at all of them. AND THE BLONDE KID WAS MISSING. And I was all "WHERE'S MAX?!" And Aubrey started LAUGHING and she was like, "He'd be the first one to die in a zombie apocalypse anyway. So we voted him out of the van." And I was alll "AKjgeljagkeawjjkgekjlaw, RAGEEEEE. THIS ISN'T A TELEVISON SHOW. WE'RE NOT ON AN ISLAND." And now I realize that I called him Max and that he was the adorable character from Carrie and I's RPG. After that I was driving around looking frantically for Max and calling his cell phone. I got a hold of him, but he didn't know where he was. Finally we found him and after I scolded the others a lot, I got out of the van to go meet Max because he was like FROZEN WITH FEAR. But then what happened?! The BAMF kid jumped into the driver's seat and drove the van away. And Aubrey was laughing out the window. So then Max and I were stuck on the street corner in a zombie infested town and my van just got stolen by my so called friends. 

And then I woke up...

Another night of Nyquil induced sleep, another zombie dream.