Say a prayer, the summer nights are dead;

So, in twelve hours I will be on my way to school with Courtney. The last first day of high school for the rest of my life. I've got my messenger bag packed, my schedule, my senior project proposal almost done, a huge headache and a horrible stomach ache. But I guess I'm ready.

My car should be fixed tomorrow. I'm happy about that. But the money it will cost? Not so much.

All I can say is, get ready to fall back into routine. For one more year.

Class of 2011.

Hopefully this year will be a good one.

And maybe, just maybe, I won't die of stress.

One thing is for sure,
August is over.

Relax, relax. Exhale & breathe,

Guess what? I have 909 songs on my iPod! Yes, I'm happy about it.

I have so much to do tomorrow. Laundry, cleaning my bathroom and my room, going shopping. And I feel dead. Not so good with school starting on Wednesday.

I honestly have no idea why I'm blogging because there's really not much to talk about.

My sister's 21st birthday party was last night. At Black Bear casino. I can't drink or gamble, but she still wanted me there, so I went. And normally, that is not my atmosphere....at all. So I guess I was...very awkward, but it felt sort of good? I don't know. I had my first full drink. A bottle of Mike's Hard Lemonade. And I watched them laugh and play drinking games. My sister was constantly making sure I was fine and I was, even if I was a bit awkward.

Oh and by the way, it really is nice to be complimented once in a while. (:

Just breathe for me,

This might not look like too big of a difference, but it really is. My hair was so short! I'm trying to decide if I like it longer. I mean, I do. I feel like maybe long is more me. Because the short was like I was trying to be edgy and risky...and I'm really not. That's random, I know. I'm rambling about my hair...which I tend to do a lot. I'm lame and I realize this.

Today Burger King got a new employee. I have a new coworker. He's 20 and I've heard of him. My sister knew him. Graduated with him. He was in the troops fighting in Iraq and Afghanistan for two years. Right out of high school. He's....well, he's a hero. And he's just a normal guy now working at Burger King. It was his first day today. And I remember a conversation:

"How old are you?"
"I'm seventeen. I'm gonna be a senior."
"It's weird to think that I graduated two years ago and I'm just getting a job and going to college now. It's weird having a job like this. Working fast food after you've been in a pit with a bunch of other guys in a uniform and you're not sure if you could be alive in the next few minutes."
"I could never do it. Do what you've done."
"It's....well, it's action that's for sure."
"Burger King is enough action for me, as far as I'm concerned."

It just....it really made me think for some reason... He dedicated two years of his life to fighting for our country. And he's still alive. And now he's starting his life.

School starts next Wednesday and I have one hell of a messed up sleeping pattern. This should be interesting...

Yes, I realize my blog posts are bipolar and change topic super quickly.

Your Love is My Drug.

Hey Ke$ha, I'm pretty sure that love sick crackhead you're referring to is me.

I feel like I've been on some high for the past....five hours? I'm so unbelievably happy that I catch myself just sitting here with tears in my eyes. Either that or I'm blasting music and singing along.

I really should listen to Emily more often. She said as soon as school started for him, he'd be back. And here he is. And it's that simple.

All I have to say is, I'm not on crack. I'm just happy. (:

I love you, dork. <3

Nerdy Quote of the day:
"Bagging food at Burger King is like playing tetris!"
-Cheng Xiong

Pretty sure that's all. I'm too scatterbrained to think.

Bittersweet;

My mother came into my room and shut the door behind her. My first thought: Shit, she's angry at me. But it was the opposite. She pulled me into a hug. She thanked me for caring about her. And told me she's proud to have me as a daughter and I'm a great person. It made me feel good. Made me tear up a bit.

Things are going to be okay. I've got to keep believing that.

Life just seems bittersweet right now. Like I'm extremely happy with where I am, yet extremely stressed and a little sad.

All I know is, I'm happy with who I am. Who I have become. I've changed for the better. I'm mature. And I've really invented myself into a finishing product that doesn't disappoint. At least, doesn't disappoint myself. And that's what matters the most.

Hitchhiking?

"Anyone has the ability to kick fate in the ass. Problem is, it involves kicking yourself in the ass too." -Marley from Hitch Hikers (Emily Bujnowski)

I am incredibly excited to finish our Hitchhiker game and begin the process of turning it into a novel with Emily. This story is amazing. It will make people cry. Is it too much to say that I think it would be amazing to see all of our names on a book on a shelf someday? We sure would have a story to tell. So Em and I are going to do it. It's going to take time and hard work, but I'm up for it.

I'm braindead. What else is new?

Narcoleptic Sheep?

I realize I haven't blogged in a while. Fail. Somewhat. My excuse? I've got a lot on my mind. And this picture, of that billboard, Emily sent it to me today. And it means more to us than anybody will ever know. <3

I don't understand why I slept until three p.m today. I never have done that. And I was so off for the rest of my day and here I am at one a.m and I'm tired again. Sigh. It seems like the days I sleep super late are when I dream of you. Like I don't want to wake up because I'm savoring it. I miss you. I sometimes wonder how I do it, but I know I can. Five months. That's how long it's been. And I'm going to keep hanging in there for you. I'm somewhat relieved because I know you're back. That you're not gone. And you didn't disappear. But I want to talk to you. More than anything.

Tonight was fun. Spending time at Laura's playing rockband. I forgot how easy it is with them. To laugh. To just amuse ourselves. And now I have a tshirt that says Narcoleptic Sheep on it. That's our band on rockband. And it was amazing. The guy at Walmart actually believed we had a real band with that name.

School isn't so far away and I'm hoping that 2011 will prove to be a great year for me. I can only hope.

Random ramblings

School is creeping up on me fast and I feel like there's so much that I have to do. I don't feel old enough to be a senior. I finally found the motivation to clean my room today. I don't know what it was, but I got it done. Next on the list, school clothes shopping. Time moves so fast.

I wrote my first page of something last night. I fell asleep with my notebook and pen on my stomach and when I woke up and read it, I actually liked it. That's something new. I should be happy. Should be proud of myself. That I've gotten that much down on paper and that I have ideas again, but I've been blocked for so long. I want my passion back. I want inspiration. More than ever.

Twenty five days. It's the longest yet. I miss you so much it hurts. But you told me to hang in there. And believe me, I'm trying. With all I've got.

And you, you've still got a long way to go.

Zombiesss! OH NOESSS!

"I wanna scream without the attention, I wanna cry without the sound. And overall, I just wanna kick some ass." -Carrie Jones

I have a brand new fresh notebook. 120 pages. Green. College ruled. But I fail at writing. Normally it helps. Normally it keeps me sane. I usually fill the pages with no problem. But the words won't come. The first page I wrote Josh's full name. The second page says "lalalalala, zombies! ohnoesss! O:" I'm not making much progress. Maybe that's why I'm so insane. No way to get anything out.

September 9= Vampire Diaries. <3

I listen to Demi Lovato way too much lately. I should type up my senior project proposal. It's sort of sitting there written with dried orange soda spilled on it.

Why is Emily singing in Hawaiian so soothing? My room is a mess. I want to clean it. But I have no motivation. I don't wanna go to work.

I keep dreaming about zombies...

"CJ and I were talking and if there's a zombie apocalypse, we're coming to Burger King. Why? Because we've got food and shelter and there's booze, ammo and cigarettes at two places across the street. We just have to figure out how to get there." -Lee

"I'm thinking a zipline from our roof. I'd just sit on that roof all day shooting zombies." -CJ

"What if you run out of ammo?" -Lee

"We either go across the street or we use the ninja sword we have here." -CJ

"We have a ninja sword?" -Me

"You've never seen it? I'd love to just run around slashing those zombies! Tanner, you're going to provide the weed." -CJ

"I'm not providing anything! We'll ask Mike. He has weed." -Tanner

"What if he's a zombie?" -Me

"Then we kill him and take his weed." -Tanner

As Carrie would say, RUP.

Changing

Life keeps changing and altering and twisting into something I don't recognize. Something I don't know anymore. I feel like I'm on spin cycle and I'm just tumbling around with everything else around me. I've got grad photos in less than an hour and I finally told myself I needed to blog. I've felt disconnected lately. From everything. Sometimes there's so much on my mind, I don't even know what to do. Let alone what thought to listen to first. My dad leaves in a month. He's going to start his new job in Wilmer, Minnesota. Of course he'll visit on weekends, but it's going to change our lives. Not having him here every night. But we're a strong family. We can handle it, right? There's so much to think about. When and if all of us will eventually move there. But I guess we're going to take things one at a time. Work out things as we go. All I know is...it's hard seeing my mother cry. Seeing my brother look lost at the thought of his dad not being here every night. We're going to get webcams and use skype to talk to him most nights. It's how my parents will say goodnight to each other. Seeing them trying to be strong and their love for each other, gives me hope. All I know is that in a month I'm a senior and everything's going to start changing. I don't know what direction my life is going in. I guess that's another thing I have to figure out along the way.

"I can't set my hopes too high because every hello ends with a goodbye." -Demi Lovato