BLAHHHHHH.

YAWN. That's all I can say. September means start of school and it also means everyone brings back their germs, which also means I got sick. Hello nyquil, kleenex and my bed. I swear that's all I saw for two straight days. That and the inside of my eye lids....and some pretty fucked up dreams. I'm better now, but congested. Annoying. I miss my dad. I miss my island dweller, but what else is new? And I have a headache. I guess I should go to bed, but I just remembered my blog...I sorta fail lately.

GOALS:
Find a senior project mentor.

Well, I guess it's more like one goal. I'm too tired right now to come up with anything. At least tomorrow's friday, but then I work all weekend. Fail.

Carrie would classify this as a....

RUP.

Headaches & Seniority;

It's crazy, being a senior. I got my senior project approved and as of right now I'm scheduled to present on February 16th, 2011. I can't believe on June 4, 2011 I'll be walking that stage. Being a senior is still scary. But it's a little bit less terrifying now that I'm figuring things out. College is still up in the air. I know I'm going. I know what I'm going for. But I don't know where I'm going. I'm too scared to travel off on my own. It's funny how much I've been thinking about life lately. How things that once seemed so important, don't affect me much anymore. Because I know what I want and who I am. And now when I hear things people are talking about, complaining about, or saying to one another, I stop and think about how stupid they are and shake my head. Because they're missing out. Sure it's a part of growing up, I went through it too. But being immature, stepping over others to get yourself noticed, always needing a boyfriend, starting rumors, treating people like shit, the name calling, the constant gossip. It's all pointless. There are so much important things in life. So many better people to surround yourself with. And I can only hope that those people who haven't gotten to the point I have, will. Someday.

My headaches are plentiful lately. I guess you could say they're getting on my nerves, but I know it's from a little extra stress. But surprisingly, I'm doing well handling things. I think. Well, for me, I'm doing well at least. I've got a job, I've been hanging out with some great new people, concentrating on myself a bit more, letting myself enjoy life. So I'm doing alright. Even if I miss my dad. <3

I missed you today. I rarely get to talk to you and I count on that little bit of time we have. And I missed it. I hope you're back tomorrow.

"Boy, I wish you were beside me, a positive reaction, more distance, more attraction, interaction, never ever felt like this before,"
-Electronic Lover by Breathe Electric

Sigh...

I've come to the conclusion that Brittani Taylor is the next most inspiring person to me, after the members of Three Days Grace of course. She rewrites the lyrics to popular pop songs that have so much more meaning. They always have a great message. I can't stop listening to her version of Teenage Dream. Sosososo much better than Katy Perry's.


I really miss you,
Hope that you miss me too,
I wanna hold you,
Nothing that I can do,
So ordinary,
Without you by my side,
And I cry,

I loved your laughter,
The look that you gave just me,
Such a disaster,
I wish my soul was free,
So I could find you,
Wherever you are out there,
Cause I Care,

Why’d you go,
Why did you leave,
Me alone,
In life,
It’s not fair,
That you are gone,
And I feel empty inside,

I hope you are in a better place,
Hope the Lord has your soul to save,
Nothing left in my heart to break,
And now you are gone,
I am so torn,

All I saw was the love in you,
Heart so strong and I always knew,
You were mine and I was yours,
You are no more,
I can’t ignore,

I found a picture,
Remembered the night we spent,
With us together,
Barely could pay the rent,
It didn’t matter,
Because you were my best friend,
Till the end,

I can’t scream,
It does no good,
Doesn’t fix, what’s wrong,
No way to reverse the past,
Me and you,
How do I move on?

I hope you are in a better place,
Hope the Lord has your soul to save,
Nothing left in my heart to break,
And now you are gone,
I am so torn,

All I saw was the love in you,
Heart so strong and I always knew,
You were mine and I was yours,
You are no more,
I can’t ignore,

This may seem obscene,
But I keep living,
Knowing I will see you soon,

And I feel misplaced,
Cause life’s a race,
You set the pace for now,

I know you are in better place,
See you at the pearly gates,
My heart beats to see my fate,
I live for you,
I will make it through,

Maybe it was just your time,
I know I will be just fine,
Cause of love must be divine,
I will see again,
I will see my best friend.

This may seem obscene,
But I keep living,
Knowing I will you see you soon,

And I feel misplaced,
Cause life’s a race,
You set the pace for now,

For now.

AMAZING.

I'm lame. I'm way too out of it lately. My family feels distanced. Weird. It was the strangest thing, not having my dad here all week and then my mom and brother being gone this weekend with him because he finally got an apartment and they were helping him set up. My family's always been together. It's different. And I miss my dad. But it could be worse. Family's go through way worse. So I shouldn't be complaining.

I wish you would listen to me. I always listen to you. But when I have a problem, you just start talking about yourself. Thanks. Makes me feel important.

Goodnight. I've got school in the morning. xP

Stress be gone!

Well, my dad is officially gone. For the week anyway. He started his new job today and it's heartbreaking watching my mom struggle with living away from him. My whole family skyped with him last night. It's funny how he's been gone a day and I already miss him. It'll be weird without him here. And not just because I now have to do my own laundry. Because there will be something missing.

Senior Project Proposal= DONE. I turned it in and now I just gotta hear back. Getting it approved is just another step. I'm not gonna lie. I'm really excited for November. To write my novel in 30 days. The school newspaper might be doing a story on me about it. I think it's pretty cool. It's doing what I love and I get to present it when I'm done. The senior project isn't this huge stressful thing anymore. It actually sounds nice. Now I just need a mentor. Hmm, what English teacher should I choose?

Oh and by the way, five hour long monopoly games with Caitlin and Laura are amazing. :D We've got to do it again.

No homework today. Win? I think yes.

Things are changing. That's for sure, but I'm just letting those changes occur and making the best of them. After all, some of them are good.

Exhuastion

I. AM. EXHAUSTED.

Three days of school down. Wow, it's crazy. And I know I need to catch up on sleep. I'm stressed, but yet I feel good? So incredibly weird.

I went to the first football game of the season tonight. Because I was invited by some good friends. I must say, although I don't enjoy school functions much, the people were great. I spent most of my time with Caitlin, Laura and Cody. All of which make me laugh like nobody else. So it was a good time.

It's weird to see the uhaul in my driveway. A couch missing from my house. My dad's belongings all piled into it. My family is going to Willmar to move him in this weekend and I've got to stay back because I have to work, but Laura's staying with me and I'm looking forward to that. Just...it's weird. I've known my dad was going for a month now and yet now it's just finally hitting me, that he's really going.

My mom is so stressed and worried and upset about it all. I guess it's hard to watch and hard to deal with because she treats me weird when she's upset. I guess I should understand, but...I don't know.

My mind's spinning with all of this stuff lately.

Oh and my plans for National Novel Writing Month are coming along great! My book should be amazing! The plot is really coming together! There's a hint of greek mythology in it! (: I'm more excited than ever! Especially since it doubles as my senior project.

More later.