Okay, scratch that.

Shut up, Mom.

I feel...

A little better today. Sure, I have a headache and my mother was pissed off that I didn't wake up to my alarm on time, but we're still gonna have plenty of time to set up for my birthday party. Speaking of that, I don't think there's been one year where it hasn't rained on my birthday party....Fail.

I'm going to have fun tonight. (:

If I get it all down on paper, its no longer inside of me, threatening the life they belong to;

I can't seem to handle these continuous outbursts of anxiety. I might laugh it off. Say that I'm a spazz and pretend it's funny. But really, it's the thing I'm most self conscious about. I'm afraid everyone around me thinks I'm crazy and that it's going to drive them away from me.

I keep getting this tightness in my chest lately, like I need to gasp for breath.

I mean, it's so hard to even sleep lately. I refuse to lay down for the purpose of sleeping anymore. I let the sleep overtake me when it wants to just to avoid that period of time when I have to lay there and all of the thoughts come rushing to the front of my mind. The worries about whether or not my laundry will get done, or the urge to rifle through my backpack because I'm sure I forgot to do something. It's irrational.

I feel crazy. I feel like I need something. Something to make this better... Because it's not working out for me. Not at all.

How do you feel? 

^^ On repeat lately

Vampire Diaries; The Last Day

Vampire Diaries. A good distraction from everything else.

I'm excited to see how this all plays out. That was two twists I certainly was not prepared for.

Two more episodes left before the finale and it was renewed for a 3rd season?

You've done it again, Vampire Diaries....

God I love that show.

"In season 3, I'm hoping I get to kill some vampires. Because as the resident vampire hunter of the town, all I really do is run around and lie to my girlfriend. I'd like to actually do some killing," -Matthew Davis (Alaric Saltzman from Vampire Diaries)

Anxious High?!

Lately I feel like someone else. Like, since I turned eighteen, I discovered some weird hidden part of myself. I'm not sure if it's good or bad, but it's sort of freaking me out.

I've been on this anxious high for...two days now? Since yesterday morning when I rolled out of bed. I don't even understand how that happened, but I keep freaking out about one thing after another. First a permission slip that I lost (which I found this morning by the way), then about being asked on a date (I proceeded to fall off of my bed and laugh into the floor for five minutes and then decide to eat cake, which was obviously a good idea given how sick I was to my stomach and how I was hyperventilating). Today I was still freaking out about that and then I totally went into the hallway where Courtney was practically cornered and being yelled at by her "friends" who aren't her "friends" anymore. They're so mean and immature. "You going to cry Courtney?" Like, who does that? So I walked right over, grabbed Courtney's arm, and told her, "This is when you walk away. You don't take this shit." And then they turned on me and were like "SHE STARTED IT!" (Such an elementary response) To which I replied, "So humiliating her and yelling at her in the hallway is the solution?" Their response: "Well she won't talk to us outside of school." Me: "Well I wouldn't want to talk to you either if I was being treated like this." They started to yell and I put up my hand and walked away, still not believing that I did that. Where did this adrenaline come from?! How did I make myself go out there? I feel like I just got a little sassy.... Hmm, anyway, Courtney thanked me. I guess I think it's because I'm so past that shit that I can just react to it like that. I mean, who does that anymore? Two of them were seniors? Is that any way to act? It makes me want to face palm. THAT'S RIDICULOUS.

Plus, I keep getting confused on what day it is and I fell asleep last night and woke up because I knocked my laptop on the floor! (Sorry Ollie) And apparently I didn't turn off my lamp because I woke up with it on. My head hurts...

How much Fong likes Jamie is SO CUTE. I feel like Janis, overwhelmed with cuteness lately. Gah.

NEW VAMPIRE DIARIES TONIGHT.  <3

Ramblerambleramble.
BYE.

Oh and another email from Sofi Santiago...fantastic.

WHY AM I SUCH A SPAZZ?!?!?!

I'm a spazz 10x more than usual today. I LOST MY PERMISSION SLIP. IT WAS IN MY BACKPACK. MY BACKPACK ATE IT. ATE IT. Then I was talking in strange accents randomly all day. AND I TEXTED SOMEONE IN MY SLEEP AGAIN TALKING ABOUT WEED. WHAT IS WRONG WITH HIM?!?!?!?

I feel SICK. Like I can't breathe. IT'S SO HARD TO BREATHE. WHERE IS THE PAPER BAG?! Sydnee Chipman is going on her first date?! WHAT!?!?!?!?!?!?!??!?!?!?  Is this happening? How is this happening? I'm so scared. I instantly got sick. At least he seems kind of shy too about it. And Lucas already had a talk with Kyle because he was freaking out about things being serious. I guess Lucas had to tell him to chill because he was so worried about it. He had to remind Lucas that it was a FIRST date and first dates are to get to know each other. That makes me feel better, but I'm so scared. SO SO SO SCARED.

HI. OH MY GOD.

I guess we're seeing Rio....that makes me laugh that Kyle picked that. At least my birthday party is the night before so I can be distracted. SUNDAYYY. SUNDAYYYY.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. I AM SO FREAKED OUT. MY HANDSSS KEEEP SHAKINGGGGGGGG.

I need to calm down.

Sydnee.... (pause) Calm down.

Just think like Laura's here....

Rain....

I really really really really wanna watch the new Glee episode. 90 minutes!!!!!
I have a problem.
Brakes went out today....again.
Yay for paying more money and not having a car to drive again.
And yay for the snow/rain.
Yay for being eighteen but not feeling like it?

In other news, The Invisible Children presentation was really inspiring. I bought a t-shirt in support!
:D

Lastly, this dude is adorable. Plus he's got an amazing voice.

Can you say Simon Lewis in Mortal Instruments?

HAHAHA.

That awkward moment when you're driving with all of your windows down in your car, singing along to Ke$ha's "Tik Tok" at the top of your lungs and one of your coworkers is walking across the street and they see you looking more or less like an idiot.


Yes, Dan. That was me.

Eighteen;

It's my day of birth. I still can barely believe it. Today, I am eighteen. Today, I was born, eighteen years ago. It's insane. It's another reminder that I'm growing up and that high school is coming to a close. It's exciting and scary as hell all at once.

Damn. 

In less than an hour...

I turn eighteen.
Well...technically not until 10:41 p.m...
Why doesn't it feel like my birthday?
Oh yeah, because it's gonna be Easter.
Fail.

I almost kept crying today.
I don't really know what's going on.
But it's like...I feel like me turning eighteen isn't that big of a deal.
And it's SUPPOSED to be, right?
I don't know...

I feel so insignificant today.
Why?
No idea.

Just in time for my birthday, Jake Coco <3

Fail?

That awkward moment when you want to face-palm because your parents have been so sick and frazzled that your 18th birthday became a last minute thing and you come home from work and they ask you, "Do you want to see your cake?" in a tone that only suggests it cannot be good and when they open the fridge it's a Twilight cake and you just shrug and laugh, because you're going to eat it regardless, even if Robert Pattinson is staring you in the face. Cake is cake.

^^ My life currently.

Sigh. Work was annoying today. Carrie can STFU. I know what I'm doing.

We R Who We R....sang by a guy? WIN.

This is kind of amazing. He does really good covers of a lot of songs. <3

30 Days Mortal Instruments Challenge: Day 5

Day 5: Your favorite fight/battle scene:

It's not really much of a battle or a fight. In fact, it's pretty much one sided. The part in which Simon's just walking and 'muggers' try to attack him and his Mark of Cain pretty much blows them up. Bad. Ass.

LALALALA.

I'm tired....Really tired. Like, so tired that I'm glad I don't have school tomorrow. I have a four day weekend and I turn eighteen on Sunday! Plus, tomorrow night I get to go to the Olive Garden for my birthday dinner! It's a bit early, but when your birthday is on Easter... Eh, it's kind of weird and I don't really like it because it won't feel like my birthday, but I'm also excited for my birthday party.

Today was odd. Today and yesterday just felt so off and today I just felt like....I don't know. When I got to work and Tanner pretty much yelled at me I felt odd after that. I still don't understand what he was talking about. I think Courtney has something to do with it...

Vampire Diaries was insane, but as good as ever. I think I've sort of taken an extreme liking to Elijah. For this reason and more...

A hybrid of a werewolf and vampire?! A new race?! Damn. 

I've got so much laundry to put away tomorrow. Plans? To sleep. And enjoy it fully. And then spend my day tomorrow writing, cleaning up and then going to Olive Garden! Woo?

What if this storm ends? And I don't see you as you are now, ever again;

I wish I could....help. Help more than humanly possible. I want super powers. To make things better for people. It's the one thing I would wish for. I hate seeing others in pain. Can I just take it all away? Please? If there's a God, could he? Because no human being deserves this. Especially not her. I'd rather be with her right now then going to work. I get tears in my eyes just thinking about it. How smart a person can be. How nice. How interesting. How accepting. How beautiful. And how they can't be allowed to be happy. How do you find the patch of sun in the dark clouds, pouring rain and lightning?

Why must there be suffering? 

I'm going to go to work with this question lingering in my mind, along with a thousand other thoughts.

30 Days Mortal Instruments Challenge: Day 4

Day 4: A character you love that everyone hates:


Sebastian. Jonathan. Whatever his name is. Okay, so he's evil. And everyone probably hates him. But he makes for a very interesting story. He's so....corrupted. It's definitely interesting. The series would be lacking something without him, even if he's scary as shit.

Can I...

Just go to sleep for a few days? Then I'll be ready to take on everything again.

Today was just so...off. I mean, it wasn't HORRIBLE. But it felt like it. The power outage at work was interesting. Kinda freaky. Kinda funny. I love how everyone resorts to playing with a hackie sack.

This Geology Assessment makes no sense. I want to kill it. Rip it up and throw it into fire. It's a waste of like fifteen pages of paper because it makes no sense. It hurts my brain. Part of it is due tomorrow, but I'm not even taking it out of my backpack for the risk that my brain might explode on the spot.

All I want to do is sleep. Sleep, write, dream and read. I'm getting way too lazy for school. Everything just seems so trivial....homework. I fail.

I'm exhausted because I'm not caught up on sleep ever since...what, Friday? And I don't want to do anything. I need to go home on my release tomorrow and study for spanish and actually do laundry before I run out of clothes to wear. Jeez, I'm an idiot.

I'm going to drop dead and ignore my geology homework and possibly get myself into major trouble for tomorrow. Oh well. At least tomorrow I get cupcakes in psychology like we do once a week. :D And I get to hang out with Jamie and Janis after school...

Goodnight.

Tuesday....

I'm really tired.
The wind is really annoying.
Construction workers need to leave my house.
I have to go to work soon.
I'm going to miss Glee.

D: <----------- this is how I feel about all of this.

Morganville...

‎"Did you see my ninja move? That was fast, right?" 
"You are not a ninja, Shane." 
"I've watched all the movies. I just haven't gotten the certificate from the correspondence course yet."

"Tell you what: you can be Glammera the vampire hunter. I'll stick with manly and heavily armed."


"You're seriously going to worry about what people think right now?"
"No, I'm worrying about people taking pictures and putting them on Facebook. That crap never dies. Kind of like you, Mikey."
Michael, straight-faced, said, "He's got a point, because I would definitely take pictures. So would you." 
Eve had to grin. "Yeah, I would. Okay, then. But you'd look glam. I could fix you up with silver eye shadow to match."

Just a few Morganville Vampires quotes from Ghost Town.  (:

30 Days Mortal Instruments Challenge: Day 3

Day 3: A character you hate that everyone loves:


I don't really know if everyone really loves a character that I hate. Maybe some people love Clary and I find her absolutely annoying. Just really....annoying. As mentioned in above post. I also really dislike Raphael. Maybe some people love him? He's just....way too harsh to Simon

BK Party?

Today was interesting. I don't really know how else to describe it. I guess this weekend was in general. Although work was annoying and a lot of work, I was trusted to do it all because I'd do a good job. I never thought I'd get to go to a Burger King party. They're only every four years or so, so it was cool to be able to attend one. At first it was kind of awkward. We were some of the last people to show up. But we got some people to sit with us. Lucas was sort of entertaining. Our conversations. Even if he did leave after the awards ceremony ended to go get hot wings. xD But I'm so glad Laura went with me. Made me feel a little bit better about everything since I was hesitant to go in the first place.

Ten Things of the night:
1.) Everybody looks so different out of their work uniforms!!!!
2.) I never thought I'd win "Team Member of the Year" along with four others from my restaurant.
3.) I wasn't surprised I tripped when I got up to get my award. Yay for plaques?
4.) Why does Tanner look so cute in a polo, jeans and a backwards hat?!
5.) Why is fancy food always too much?
6.) I find it funny that the place was so fancy and half of my coworkers were high. So classy, I promise.
7.) Dancing with several people from our restaurant and another in Duluth was really FUN. Cha-Cha Slide, Macarena and YMCA? Good thing Cheng dragged us all out onto the dance floor.
8.) Bryce's dance moves are hilarious.
9.) My manager, Heidi, coming out onto the dancefloor for like five seconds to fist pump before running away.
10.) DRUNK PEOPLE ARE REALLY FUNNY, ESPECIALLY COREY.

I was not expecting Corey to get out on the dancefloor, let alone dancing as crazy as he did. It was kind of hilarious. It's even more hilarious when a drunk guy tells you what lane to be in while driving home. He was singing David Archuleta's 'Crush' on the way home very enthusiastically. And was all "IS THIS WHERE THE BIG BOAT IS?!" when we were driving by Canal Park. God, what a win.

I was so proud of myself for dancing in general and winning an award, even if it is lame. And I only managed to pull out my book once! I've become more outgoing and it's a start. Of course it took me until I was almost eighteen to get there.

Speaking of that...I'M EIGHTEEN IN A WEEK. <3

It's not fair that some people are so cute. And then you hate yourself for liking them when you know you're way too different and they don't look at you that way at all. And in general, it just wouldn't work. Oh well.

I should really go to bed.

Nerdom;

Well, that was a major 30 something hours of nerdom with Jamie. :D Discussing books, making breakfast for dinner, watching Harry Potter, stalking Mortal Instruments stuff online, planning a fanfiction for two hours, writing fanfiction, going to Applebees, buying the new Morganville Vampires books, drawing a new butterfly, laughing at quotes from books, analyzing characters, etc. I really couldn't ask for a better friend. Honestly. <3 Plus, she did my makeup amazing. Talk about blue and glitter overload.

Plus, my dad's home again. <3 FOR GOOD.
I'm pretty happy, despite the fact it snowed today.

Well it was more of,
snow
sun
snow
sun
snow
sun
..........

WTF mother nature?!

HAHAHA.

Jace: I've got a stele we can use. Who wants to do me?

Magnus: A regrettable choice of words.

....I don't have an obsession;

LOLOLOLOLOLOL.

RUNESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS. <333

Random? XD

1. Pick any one of your favourite Mortal Instruments books (City of Bones, City of Glass, or City of Ashes).

2. Randomly flip to a page for each question/statement and answer with a quote or sentence!

1. What will Simon and his friends name their band next? 

Wave of nausea

2. What will Jace name his next seraph blade? 

Blowing desert sandstorm

3. The best way to kill a demon.

"Possession?"

4. What Magnus Bane and Alec Lightwood will do on their next date.

"Are you willing?"

5. A line in a love letter from Valentine Morgenstern to Jocelyn Fray.

"I like her. She reminds me of me."

6. What will the next rune that Clary Fray creates be called? 

"You are not trivial" rune

7. What Church is thinking at this exact moment.

"Your friends will never accept what you are. Only what you pretend to be."

8. The name of the next demon that will attack Jace Wayland. 

"Alexander."

9. What Magnus Bane would see if he faced the Greater Demon of fear, Agramon.

Jace's face was a mask of horror.

10. What Jace Wayland was really thinking when he let Simon Lewis drink his blood. 

"Oh, shut up Alec."

11. The translation of what Sebastian Verlac really said to Jace Wayland in Romanian in City of Glass.

"I'm sorry about what I did. I know I said it before, but I really mean it."

12. The name Valetine Morgenstern considered before calling the group of shadowhunters he lead “the Circle.”

"The Gelatinous Cube"

13. The title of Jace Wayland’s first original composition for the piano.

"So shall you be dealt pain?"

14. The theme of Magnus Bane’s next party.

"Tomato soup and mangoes." 

15. What the Silent Brothers wear under their robes.

Lipgloss, baby powder and blood.

16. The saying on Simon Lewis’ t-shirt at the moment.

"This from the guy who has all the sex appeal of a penguin."

17. Jace Wayland’s secret fetish. 

"Thin layer of nerd."

18. The species of Isabelle Lightwood’s next boyfriend. 

Worm.

19. The title and author of the next book Luke Garroway will sell from his book store.

Wing backed chair by Camille

20. What’s going to happen in South Carolina?

"Hamlet."

30 Days Mortal Instruments Challenge: Day 2

Day 2: Your least favorite character:


This one is awarded to Clary Fray/Morgenstern. Whatever she goes by. And it's not for the typical reason most people dislike her, because they're jealous that she has Jace. She's just....bland. She doesn't really DO anything, if you think about it. She's just there. Other characters develop way more than she does in the books and the parts with her in it, aren't nearly as hilarious as the others. Plus, she sort of played with Simon. And he's my favorite. Plus, everyone cares about her and she doesn't seem so quick to help anybody else.... Sigh, Clary...  

Alex Pettyfer.

This just made my night. <3

30 Days Mortal Instruments Challenge: Day 1

Day 1: Your favorite character:


This one goes to SIMON LEWIS. <3 Daylighter Vampire Nerd. I'm always the one to fall for the human nerdy and caring characters and normally I dislike the vampire characters, but I still love him, so that says a lot. He didn't want to become a vampire and he kind of fails at being one. And....I would too. So that's why. I feel so bad that he turned into a vampire, but he tries so hard to hold onto his humanity. Plus, he's nerdy and absolutely sweet. He's totally selfless and puts everybody else first and plus now in the fourth book he learned how to be a little snarky back at Jace. (Yes, I did just the use the word snarky). He's so loyal and has a touch of B.A to him, which is enough for me. :D

Mortal Instruments 30 Day Challenge? Don't mind if I do....

Day 1: Your favorite character:
Day 2 Your least favorite character:
Day 3: A character you hate that everyone loves:
Day 4: A character you love that everyone hates:
Day 5: Your favorite fight/battle scene:
Day 6: A scene that made you laugh:
Day 7: A scene that made you cry:
Day 8: The character you are most like:
Day 9: Your favorite quote:
Day 10: Alec or Jace?
Day 11: Something you hate about the series:
Day 12: A character you wish hadn’t died:
Day 13: A character you wish had died:
Day 14: Your favorite Rune:
Day 15: Favorite weapon of choice:
Day 16: A question you wish had been answered in the book:
Day 17: The worst death:
Day 18: A song that reminds you of the series:
Day 19: Your favorite pairing(s):
Day 20: Your least favorite pairing(s):
Day 21: Favorite Downworlder:
Day 22: Your favorite book of the four:
Day 23: Your favorite secondary character:
Day 24: What would you be: Vampire, Shadowhunter, Warlock, Werewolf, etc?
Day 25: Your dream cast:
Day 26: Favorite Isabelle quote:
Day 27: Favorite Shadow Hunter:
Day 28: Isabelle or Maia for Simon?
Day 29: Favorite Jace quote:
Day 30: Your favorite thing about the entire series:

Vampire Diaries: The Last Dance;

Emotional. Mind. Fuck.


That is all.

Nyquil, Zombies and the weekend;

Reasons I'm excited for this weekend:

-House to myself for a night.

-Dad's moving back home.

-Jamie's spending the night.

-Burger King Party.

(:

I can't believe I'm eighteen in about a week...

I can't believe senior year is flying by SO fast...

Nyquil gives me crazy dreams. Not like I already didn't know this, but last night's dream was INSANE. Zombies again, of course. But I feel like I need to put this one somewhere so I don't forget it.

My mom was screaming at me at the beginning of the dream to bring my friends home who all live in Duluth. Finally we all left in this HUGE van. I mean, a BIG ASS van. It was black and held like 93853849343 people. No kidding. But I was driving it. But as we were driving, one of the people in the van (I didn't know who any of them were. Well in my dream I did, but the only person in my dream I know in real life is Aubrey) was on a laptop and he was all "THERE'S A ZOMBIE OUTBREAK" and the rest of us were all "He's just crayyyzayyy." And then there were zombies! We were all scared out of our minds and nobody would go home so we ended up just driving around for days.  I don't know, but it was a long time. Everyone started going crazy in the van and we all had our phones plugged in and Aubrey was texting. WHO WAS SHE TEXTING DURING A ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE?! I don't know. Maybe she was asking Caitlin "ARE YOU DEAD YET?!" Anyway...everyone was going insane from being in there so long and they were all "WE HAVE TO KICK SOMEONE OUT OF THE VAN. LIKE IT'S ON AN ISLAND. IT'S TIME TO VOTE SOMEONE OFF." And I was all O: "NO! We can't do that! You guys are crazy! We're not getting rid of anybody!" And everyone was looking at the innocent blonde kid. "GET RID OF HIM!" D: I kept telling them no and they were all protesting. Then we were super low on gas, so we stopped at an abandoned gas station and I had several people as my look outs while I filled up my car and a zombie came out of nowhere and the BAMF kid with the laptop killed the zombie. And then we got back into the van. Everyone looked really creepy like they knew something I didn't. But I shook it off and we continued driving. After about ten minutes of silence. I asked what was going on. Then I looked back at all of them. AND THE BLONDE KID WAS MISSING. And I was all "WHERE'S MAX?!" And Aubrey started LAUGHING and she was like, "He'd be the first one to die in a zombie apocalypse anyway. So we voted him out of the van." And I was alll "AKjgeljagkeawjjkgekjlaw, RAGEEEEE. THIS ISN'T A TELEVISON SHOW. WE'RE NOT ON AN ISLAND." And now I realize that I called him Max and that he was the adorable character from Carrie and I's RPG. After that I was driving around looking frantically for Max and calling his cell phone. I got a hold of him, but he didn't know where he was. Finally we found him and after I scolded the others a lot, I got out of the van to go meet Max because he was like FROZEN WITH FEAR. But then what happened?! The BAMF kid jumped into the driver's seat and drove the van away. And Aubrey was laughing out the window. So then Max and I were stuck on the street corner in a zombie infested town and my van just got stolen by my so called friends. 

And then I woke up...

Another night of Nyquil induced sleep, another zombie dream.

Superman; Joe Brooks;

<3


He's nerdy. Gorgeous. And this song is adorable. <3

Birthday Gift;

Hey Mom,

I want this for my birthday.

Strength Rune.

So I can confuse everybody.

And because it's elegant.

<3

Kay thanks. <3

Antibiotics & Devouring Books;

I devour books for a living. I have come to that conclusion. I told myself I was going to read City of Fallen Angels slow. Apparently that means 2 days, because I finished it today in 7th hour. Speed reader for the win? To Cassandra Clare, you are AMAZING. This book was flawless! I wish I could write something like that! AND SUCH A HORRIBLE CLIFFHANGER. I have taken a liking to this new character Jordan Kyle. (He went by Kyle for like the first half of the book and then it was discovered that Kyle was his last name. I'm still not used to that). And I love how involved every character was in this book. Well, Alec and Magnus took forever to get into things, but whatever. They're adorable. Just, this book was so insane! But such an amazing plot! So thought through! And the ending sent me reeling! Now I have to wait for the next book. That's going to be a while.... BUT AHHH. So much Simon. <3 And more quotes to love. Oh also today I went to the doctor. I might have a sinus infection. Yay plugged ears. I feel like I'm under water. Antibiotics? WOO. Oh and apparently that doctor knows me as Earwax Girl....

Wonderful.

"Just think of yourself as someone who has two fathers for a while."
"You can't have two fathers."
"Sure you can. Who says you can't? We can buy you one of those books they have for little kids. Timmy Has Two Dads. Except I don't think they have one called Timmy Has Two Dads and One of Them was Evil. That part you're just going to have to work through on your own."
"It's fascinating. You know all these words, and they're all English, but when you string them together into sentences, they just don't make any sense."
-Simon and Jace; page 133

"But you're a vampire. Blood isn't like food for you. Blood is...blood."
"That's very illuminating. Do you have a lot of other profound thoughts like that? Blood is blood? A toaster is a toaster? A Gelatinous Cube is a Gelatinous Cube?"
"Fine. Ignore my advice. You'll be sorry later."
"That's my room mate, Kyle. Be nice."
"I'm always nice."
-Jace and Simon; page 135

"I'm not too fond of their kind, though. They think they're better than everyone else."
"No, I think I'm better than everyone else. An opinion that has been backed up with ample evidence."
"Does he always talk like this?"
"Yes."
"Does anything shut him up? Other than getting the crap beaten out of him, of course."
"I would love for you to try."
-Jordan and Jace; page 141

"I can keep a perfectly good eye on Simon, thank you. He's my neophyte Downworlder to mock and boss around, not yours." -Jace; page 144

"Well I guess I'll see you around. You're the first Shadowhunter I've ever met."
"That's too bad, since all the ones you meet from now on will be a terrible letdown."
-Jordan and Jace; page 144

"Please tell me you're not actually planning on staying in my room."
"You really don't get this bodyguard thing, do you?"
"I didn't even think you like me all that much. Is this one of those keep-your-friends-close-and-your-enemies-closer things?"
"I thought it was keep your friends close so you have someone to drive the car when you sneak over to your enemy's house at night and throw up in his mailbox."
"I'm pretty sure that's not it."
-Simon and Jace; page 145

"I bet you thought you were very clever, sneaking off like that."
"Medium clever. Like a cross between George Clooney in Ocean's Eleven and those MythBusters guys, but, you know, better looking."
"I'm always so glad I have no idea what you're vacantly chattering about. It fills me with a sense of peace and well-being."
-Jace and Simon; page 156

"When did you two get so buddy-buddy? Last night it was all, 'I'm the most elite warrior!' 'No, I'm the most elite warrior!' And today you're playing Halo and giving each other props for good ideas."
"We realized we have something in common. You annoy us both."
-Simon and Jace; page 158

"Are you ever going to go home?"
"What, bored with my company already?"
"Let me ask you something. Do you find me fascinating to be around?"
"What was that? Sorry, I think I fell asleep for a moment. Do continue with whatever mesmerizing thing you were saying."
-Simon and Jace; page 161

"So you're trying to make her happy despite the fact that the reason she's unhappy in the first place is you. That seems contradictory, doesn't it?"
"Love is a contradiction."
-Simon and Jace; page 162

"Break a leg up there. And I'll be down here, hopefully breaking someone else's."
-Jace; page 172

"But I watch my brothers give their hearts away and I think, Don't you know better? Hearts are breakable. And I think even when you heal, you're never what you were before." -Isabelle; page 239

"Pretty boys have always been your undoing, but what can some mortal child give you? Ten years, twenty, before dissolution begins to claim him. Forty years, fifty, before death takes him. I can give you all of eternity."
"You could give me the past. But Alec is my future."
-Camille and Magnus; page 262

"I guess you're coming as my date now."
"I'm secure enough in my masculinity to accept that. We'd better get you something nice to wear, though. I want you to look pretty."
-Simon and Jordan; page 282

"I was just wondering if you were armed. You want anything? Dagger, maybe?"
"No wonder you and Jace like each other so much. You're both crazy walking arsenals."
-Jordan and Simon; page 290

"I feel a sense of responsibility."
"And where is this feeling located? In your pants, perhaps? Don't bother her, don't try to talk to her, don't even look at her, or I'll fold you in half so many times you'll look like a tiny little origami werewolf."
-Jordan and Isabelle; page 291

"I knew the man who founded it. Back in the 1800s. Woolsey Scott. Respectable old werewolf family."
"Did you sleep with him, too?"
"Alexander!"
-Magnus and Alec; page 294

"I met Napoleon once. We didn't have an affair, though. He was shockingly prudish for a Frenchman."
-Magnus; page 295

"Or there are plenty of girls here, since apparently your taste goes both ways. Is there anything you aren't into?"
"Mermaids. They always smell like seaweed."
"It's not funny."
-Alec and Magnus; page 295

"Bat says I shouldn't be so hard on you. He says guys do stupid things when girls are involved. Especially geeky ones who previously haven't had much luck with women."
"It's like he can see into my soul."
-Maia and Simon; page 299

"He told me he was going to be right back. That was forty minutes ago. I figured he was going to the bathroom!"
"What kind of guardian are you? Shouldn't you have gone to the bathroom with him?"
"Dudes do not follow other dudes to the bathroom."
"Latent homosexual panic will do you in every time."
-Jordan and Isabelle; page 317

"You never told me. Never warned me it would be like this, that I would wake up one day and realize that i was going somewhere you couldn't follow. That we are essentially not the same. There's not 'till death do us part' for those who never die." -Alec; page 377

"This was Jace being Brave, Simon thought, brave and snarky because he thought Lillith was going to kill him, and that was the way he wanted to go, unafraid and on his feet. Like a warrior. The way Shadowhunters did. His death song would always be this-jokes and snideness and pretend arrogance, and that look in his eyes that said, 'I'm better than you.' Simon just hadn't realized it before."
-page 384

"He had given Clary and Simon an astonished look, but then his attention went, as it always did, to Jace. He might not be in love with Jace anymore, if he ever really had been, but they were still parabatai, and Jace was always first on his mind in any battle."
-page 393

"I'm a Shadowhunter. Magnus, this is what I do. It's not about you. Next time fall in love with an insurance adjuster or-"
"Alexander, There isn't going to be a next time."
-Alec and Magnus; page 414

...

I'm not addicted to NyQuil....

WHATCHUTALKINABOUTWILLIS?!?!?!

LaughLaughLaugh

City of Fallen Angels quotes;

"By the Angel, you don't know anything about your kind, do you? Do you even really know how vampires are made?"
"Well when a mommy vampire and a daddy vampire love each other very much..."
-Isabelle and Simon; page 8

"No one told you to call your band Salacious Mold, my friend."
"We're Millennium Lint now."
-Clary and Simon; page 35

"You're not so bad. You'll get there. You should have seen Alec do flips at first. I think he kicked himself in the head once."
"Sure, but he was probably eleven. I suppose you've always been amazing at this stuff."
"I was born amazing."
-Jace and Clary; page 38

"Canoodling, I see. I thought you were supposed to be training."
-Isabelle; page 39

"I can't believe he took you to an actual restaurant. I assumed his idea of a date would be making you watch him play World of Warcraft with his nerd friends." -Jace; page 41

"So have you heard from Alec and Magnus lately? Are they having a good time?"
"Sounds like it. Alec keeps sending me annoying photos. Lots of captions like 'Wish you were here, except not really.'"
-Clary and Jace; page 43-44

"I always knew there were vampires, dude. Because, you know how there's people you know who, like, always look the same, even when they're, like, a hundred years old? Like David Bowie? That's because they're vampires." -Eric; page 48

"Oh, good. You're starting to talk about yourself in the third person. That's not a sign of impending megalomania or anything." -Simon; page 70

"Aren't they supposed to be hiring someone else to train me full-time anyway?"
"Yes, and I'm worried that if you get into the habit of making out with your instructors, you'll wind up making out with him, too."
"Don't be sexist. They could find me a female instructor."
"In that case you have my permission to make out with her, as long as I can watch."
"Nice. You're just worried they'll hire a male instructor and he'll be hotter than you."
"Hotter than me?"
"It could happen. You know, theoretically."
"Theoretically the planet could suddenly crack in half, leaving me on one side and you on the other side, forever and tragically parted, but I'm not worried about that, either. Some things are just too unlikely to dwell upon."
-Clary and Jace; page 77



"So, were you, like, sleeping here? On the floor?"
"Got thrown out of my house."
"Mom found your weed stash, huh? That sucks."
"No. No...weed stash. We had a difference of opinion about my lifestyle."
"So, she found out about your two girlfriends?"
-Kyle and Simon; page 89

"Will you be here when I get back?"
"Probably not. I have a dress fitting to get to at three."
"Cool. Get them to make you something in red. It's totally your color."
-Kyle and Simon; page 96

"You know that feeling like you're hungry but you can't bring yourself to eat?"
Simon looked over at the bleached-haired waitress, who was leaning against the diner counter. "Yeah, I know."
-Clary and Simon; page 109

"I can see why you like it here. There's a thin layer of nerd all over everything."
-Jace; page 120

"This from a guy who has all the sex appeal of a penguin. Look, I realize you may be jealous that the good Lord didn't deal you the same chiseled hand he dealt me, but that's not reason to-"
-Jace; page 120

"I was following you."
"Is this the part where you tell me you're secretly in love with me? Vampire mojo strikes again."
"There's no such thing as vampire mojo."
-Jace and Simon; page 122

"Look, do you know what you want to eat, or do you just want me to keep pushing this cart up and down the aisles because it amuses you?"
"That, and I'm not really familiar with what they sell in mundane grocery stores. Maryse usually cooks or we order in food. What's this?"
"That's a mango."
Simon and Jace; page 124

"So what was all that about?"
"I think that she asked if she could touch my mango."
"She said that?"
"Yeah, then she gave me her number. Can we go now?"
"You're not going to call her, are you? Forget I said that. This sort of thing happens to you all the time, doesn't it? Girls just coming up to you?"
"Only when I'm not glamoured."
"Yes, because when you are, girls can't see you, because you're invisible. You're a public menace. You shouldn't be allowed out on your own."
"Jealousy is such an ugly emotion, Lewis."
-Simon and Jace; page 126

Okay, so I've officially named the Mortal Instruments Series the most quotable books ever! I just got this book this morning and I'm already over 100 pages in. I just can't stop! GAH. These are my favorite quotes thus far. :D

Clockwork Angel quotes;

"You know," Gabriel said, "there was a time I thought we could be friends, Will."
"There was a time I thought I was a ferret," Will said, "but that turned out to be the opium haze. Did you know it had that effect? Because I didn't."

"I do not walk like a duck."
"I like ducks," Jem observed diplomatically. "Especially the ones in Hyde Park." He glanced sideways at Will; both boys were sitting on the edge of the high table, their legs dangling over the side. "Remember when you tried to convince me to feed a poultry pie to the mallards in the park to see if you could breed a race of cannibal ducks?"
"They ate it too," Will reminisced. "Bloodthirsty little beasts. Never trust a duck."


Thought I'd quote Clockwork Angel, because tomorrow and for several days I'm sure my blog is going to be full of quotes from City of Fallen Angels...

Ahh, the excitement.

Goodnight. <3

April...

"Alec Lightwood, get a clue. 'Cause Magnus Bane is in love with you."
Yay for girl who sings original songs about books. xD

Wow it's April already? It hit 60 degrees here today. It was beautiful. I think it's supposed to be about the same tomorrow. Which means I'm wearing capri pants and a cute shirt and some flip flops? (: Because I can. Maybe I'll attempt to get up earlier and do something with my hair....or maybe that won't happen. It most likely won't. Getting up early never works for me. Come Monday my dad will be living with us again. He got a job in Superior and I couldn't be happier. My dad's going to be home all the time now. My family is moving him back this weekend, and I'm staying back home. I thought I was going with, but now apparently I don't have to and I already took off work.....Which means less hours and less money... I'm not exactly swimming in it right now. But I get to have a friday night/saturday morning with Jamie?

Oh and I get my copy of City of Fallen Angels tomorrow. It just came in the mail! Thanks Jamie for an amazing birthday gift. :DDDDD I'm way too excited to read it. <3

There are less than forty actual school days left for me... This is so insane. I'm graduating. High school is going to be over. In a little less than two weeks....I'll be eighteen. This all seems so surreal.

AHAHA I MAKE MYSELF LAUGH.

"There's this boy in my computer applications class who lacks the brain capacity to use Microsoft word effectively. He sits next to me and all he managed to do the entire period was type his name in every different font created."


Wow, I need to update my fanfiction...

Butterfly Project;

In support of the Butterfly Project. <3 Jake and Carrie, you guys are strong. You can do it.

I feel like dancin' tonight. I'm going to party like it's my civil right. It doesn't matter where. I don't care if people stare;

Why hello there, blog. It's 3 a.m. So much work went into that 3 hour period of which was prom. It was INSANE. Now I remember why I don't do stuff like that. xD I mostly fought off my cold in time. I guess that's the wonder of nothing but sleeping and drinking water for three days. Now I have to make up a bunch of tests come Monday...Oh well. I really need to wash my sheets. I'll do that tomorrow... Anyway, back to prom. Despite the stress of all of us getting ready in time (the expertise of Janis and Jamie in the hair and makeup department) it was sort of fun. More fun because of the people I was surrounded by. I would have changed some of the music choice at prom, those shoes possibly killed my feet, and I had several cough attacks because of my cold still barely hanging on. Plus Courtney and Katie decided to stalk me a lot. That was not appreciated. No I did not want to dance with them. And no I didn't want a huge hug that almost knocked out my hair, or an awkward picture. But it was fun. My parents were so cool about having everyone over. (We spent over like six hours in a bathroom which can fit like eight people in it). And they made a fabulous dinner I wish I could eat more of and will probably be heating up left overs of tomorrow. They were just really great about it all. Plus, I sort of felt elegant and pretty all dressed up. My dress was amazing. I got compliments, plus I got to dance and scream Ke$ha's "We R Who We R" at the top of my lungs. Too bad they only played like 20 seconds of Blow. D: I actually danced, when my feet weren't killing me. Well, they always were. But I'm proud of myself, for dancing. Never did I think I'd ever go to prom or dance it at for that matter. Oh and I'm pretty sure I might not even have hit sixty as my bowling score afterwards. Bowling in a dress is really difficult. Oh and on the way there I got pulled over. Let's not forget about that....I should have just drove my own car. Gah, I always forget how to work the lights on my dad's car. Mine are on automatically. D; Good thing he let us off with just a warning. Although I just about peed my pants with nervousness when we were waiting all pulled over for him to get out of his police car. Sydnee= panicked. Popo shut us down....sort of.

Repeat;

Dress fits perfectly now.

Water. Sleep. Water. Sleep.
That's what I plan on doing over the next two days.
I'm going to feel betterish for prom.
I HAVE TO.

Nyquil breeds nightmares....
Hopefully I don't have another tonight.

Blahh...

My throat feels raw. I had to eat a bowl of ice cream and drink kool-aid to even get some relief. I slept from eleven to one. Fourteen hours. With the assistance of nyquil of course. I don't remember the last time my throat hurt this bad. And I really didn't want to stay home today. D;

Ugh...that's all I really have to say right now. It could have waited to get worse until after prom... xP

Things just don't want to go my way.

Final dress fitting tonight.

alala;

I'm going to cry just from making this graduation slideshow of all of my friends. D: God, June is going to come fast.

AHH, I get sent home from work early because I was coughing so much. I want it to go away. D; I've got prom to go too.

Rice-a-roni + cherry pepsi = YUM.

I'm tired. Long rest of the week ahead of me filled with work, tests and prom.

In honor of the City of Fallen Angels Book Release! :D

An Alec/Jace fanfiction :D

Alec Lightwood had never been very lucky. That was, in the department of boys. He'd managed to fall in love with his cocky, golden-haired best friend. This was not how things were supposed to happen, especially since Alec was almost certain Jace couldn't be more straight. Alec, however, was as straight as the line an absolutely drunk person walked, which was much more like a stumble and not straight at all. The worst part of it was Jace knew how he felt. He called him out on it, just the other day.

Alec would never forget it. In fact, it was all he could think about. Part of him yearned to travel back to that moment when Jace was pestering him; the precise moment when Jace dared him to kiss him and Alec couldn't. Part of him wished he would have, that he would have shoved him up against the wall and pressed his lips to his harshly. He would have run his fingers through his hair and felt his body pressed up against his own when he had the chance. He would have the upper hand for once, catching Jace by surprise. But what had he done? He stood there in front of him with the dare hanging in the air and a signature smirk on Jace's face as always. He'd let Jace come out victorious once again. Why didn't he do it? Was he afraid of Jace's reaction? Afraid that he wouldn't want to stop? Had he been confused about what Jace wanted from him? All of the above.

The way Jace regarded him with a devious smirk upon his lips and an eyebrow slightly raised, suggested to Alec that he'd wanted to kiss him. Of course, it was probably for no reason other than it would boost his ego, although Alec liked to believe there was another reason.

The door creaked open and Isabelle lingered in the doorway. "Breakfast!" She announced.

Alec groaned and rolled out of his bed, going into the hallway when a door opened across the hall. Alec froze as Jace was standing across from him in just a pair of jeans. Of course he wasn't wearing a shirt. Why would Jace Wayland wear a shirt?

"Nice hair," Jace commented with a grin before padding down the hallway away from him.

Damn you Jace, Alec thought before following after him irritably. He'd spent all night tossing and turning. Of course his hair was disheveled.

Isabelle was already seated at the table, helping herself to eggs and bacon. Alec and Jace were silent when they sat down. She examined the two of the, how Alec avoided looking at Jace and how Jace was staring him down. Several minutes passed and she became increasingly confused. She slammed her fork down on the table suddenly. "Alright, what gives?" She demanded. "Neither of you have complained about my cooking yet and it's been well over five minutes!"

Alec shrugged. "It's not so bad," he mumbled.

"Alec, you haven't even touched your food yet," Isabelle snapped.

He shrugged his shoulders again in response. "I'm not very hungry."

Isabelle looked to Jace next. "No comments?" She asked.

"Your cooking is always horrible, Isabelle. I thought it was implied," Jace said with a mischievous grin, waving around a piece of bacon.

"You always complain about it thought. It's not normal for you not to," she said and then eyed Alec. "What'd you do to him Jace?"

Jace threw the piece of bacon at Isabelle, which hit her squarely in the face. He leaned back in his chair satisfied with his good aim. "What did I do?" He asked.

At this point, Alec had pushed his chair out and excused himself from the table.

"Well, you must have done something," Isabelle said as Alec disappeared down the hall. She crossed her arms and glared at him.

"All I did was try to have a conversation with him about Magnus Bane. There's something going on between them although Alec insists it's over. I was trying to help him, but he refused to kiss me," Jace explained as if it wasn't a big deal.

Isabelle raised an eyebrow. "Jace." She shook her head at him.

"He's my friend, Isabelle. I'm going to make him figure out his feelings if he won't for himself." He pushed out his chair, kicking it back onto the ground and left Isabelle by herself at the table.

Alec should have guessed that Jace would have followed him. He sat on the edge of his bed, running a hand through his midnight black hair. Jace didn't knock, but rather just threw open the door and shut it behind him, his green eyes settling on his best friend.

"Why don't we try this again?" He suggested, crossing the room to stop in front of Alec.

Alec finally met his gaze, his facial expression grave and his blue eyes timid. "I don't want to try this again. Whatever this is," Alec snapped.

"This is you figuring out what you want," Jace told him. "You're afraid of how you feel, aren't you?"

Alec averted his gaze once more. "You don't know how I feel, Jace."

"No, you don't know how you feel, while I have a pretty good idea," Jace shot back. "I know my abs are quite a sight to look at, but I know you. You're not in love with me."

Alec was staring at the wall, defiantly avoiding Jace's menacing eyes. "What do you want me to do?" He asked. The confusion was overwhelming, swirling around in his mind and making him dizzy. He'd taken a sudden interest in the glamorous warlock, Magnus Bane. That was no secret, but Magnus was hesitant. He hadn't been returning Alec's calls. When Alec asked why Magnus had given him nothing but the truth. His words seemed embedded in his mind. Even now he could recall them.

I didn't return your calls because I'm tired of watching you fall over somebody you can never be with, he had said. Jace. Did he love Jace? Or was it merely an infatuation? Did he lust for him? What were his feelings for Magnus?

"I want to ask you to do what I did yesterday," Jace said. It seemed he was unable to keep himself from smirking. Maybe his face was just naturally like that.

"Jace, this isn't a game," Alec warned, finally looking in his direction was an accusing stare.

But Jace had already stepped closer. He leaned towards him, climbing on the bed over Alec, who had already shied away, moving backwards on the bed.

"What are you doing?" Alec protested, but Jace didn't provide an answer to his question and Alec was sure he had a pretty good idea of what Jace was doing anyway. "By the angel, Jace!" He exclaimed at the impish golden boy falling over him. "We're not doing this. I-" His complaints were shushed by a finger being put to his lips.

"Oh I think we are," Jace interrupted. "And since you're not initiating it, I once again have to take control." He sighed as if it was a horribly difficult task for him to take on. "I always have to do everything, don't I?"

A flustered Alec tried to wriggle out from underneath him. "Jace-"

He couldn't get more than a word in before lips crushed against his own. Warm, inviting, eager lips. The lips of Jace Wayland.

Alec had imagined what such an experience would be like on numerous occasions. However, he'd never imagined it quite like this. He'd always pictured himself kissing Jace, not the other way around.

His eyes widened at the surprise of it, Jace's lips moving against his and provoking a response in him. "Nothing?" Jace questioned in a whisper against his lips. "I at least thought you would-" He didn't get to finish his sentence because Alec had finally decided to respond.

Alec reached up to touch his face, drawing him closer and kissing him hungrily. He swore he could feel Jace's grin as his hands tangled in his hair.

Jace wasn't hesitant and her certainly wasn't stopping either. Their mouths mashed together for minutes, ravenously. They barely came up for air.

Alec's hands had slipped from Jace's face and were roaming across his chest, tracing the runes on his skin. He was lost in his sea of mixed feelings, only knowing that he had wanted this for so long. Was Magnus wrong? Could he be with Jace? But they were Parabati, warriors who fought alongside each other. That was something even more powerful than being brothers. The Clave…Would they approve? His mind was racing ay too f ar ahead of the moment. What did this mean anyway? For them? For himself?

Alec felt strong, rough hands tugging at his shirt. "Jace," he managed to finally mumble incoherently, but that didn't stop the impulsive Shadow Hunter on top of him. "Jace," He tried again, sternly. His hands that had been exploring him seconds before were now shoving away the boy he'd yearned to hold for so long.

"What?" Jace asked innocently, his lips lingering over Alec's. Their ragged breathing patterns matched. His hands still remained on Alec's shirt with a tight grip.

"What is this?" Alec inquired breathlessly.

Jace almost laughed. "What do you mean? What do you think this is?" He had answered a question with questions of his own.

"I'm being serious," Alec said sullenly. "Why can't you be?"

Jace sighed. "Alec, this is an experiment. I told you that at the beginning." He spoke slowly as if to make him understand.

"An experiment for me, yes. I got that. It was supposed to help me figure out my feelings."

"Well, did you figure them out?" Jace asked curiously.

Alec nodded feebly.

"And how do you feel?"

He fell silent. Did he answer the question, or leave it hanging in the air? Either way it would be uncomfortable. How he felt was currently scaring the shit out of him. His feelings for Jace were real. It wasn't just lust. It was…

"I think I love you," he mumbled, barely audible.

That, perhaps, was the first time Jace had been caught off guard, or at least the only time he let it be known that he was. Had his jaw dropped to the floor? "No," he began in disbelief. "Alec, you only think you love me because it's safe. You want to be with Magnus. That's why I did this. That's how you're supposed to feel." He pulled away in shock, recoiling from the bed and a hurt Alec.

"So now I'm supposed to feel a certain way?" Alec finally sat up, redness rising to his cheeks. He was caught somewhere in between a state of embarrassment and anger. "I got that this was an experiment, Jace. But your hypothesis is wrong."

"No," Jace said again. "I am right. I'm sure of it."

"You can't know the outcome of an experiment before it happens," Alec remarked. "And if this was an experiment for me, why were you trying to take off my shirt? You saw how I was kissing you. How did you think I felt? Why were you pushing it further?" He was nearly trembling from all of the emotion building up inside of him.

"Maybe I was doing a little experiment of my own," Jace countered. "I wanted to see how it felt."

A thick blanket of silence followed, until Alec finally inhaled sharply. "How did it feel?" He dared to ask. He'd answered Jace and now he expected Jace to answer him.

His question lingered in the air. He finally got to his feet and stood in front of Jace, who hadn't you said anything. "I'd do it again," he said. "If you'd let me."

Alec's breath caught in his throat when Jace took a step forward. Their faces were centimeters apart once again. "But that doesn't answer my question," Alec murmured. Jace's face so close to his was distracting, enough to send him reeling. "How do you feel Jace?"

He answered with a kiss, closing the space between them and brushing his lips lightly against Alec's, as if to drive him mad.

The sound of a door opening tore them apart. Simon stood awkwardly in the doorway, stricken by what he had seen.

"What do you want, Daywalker?" Jace asked cruelly as if he hadn't just been kissing Alec moments before. He had turned to face Simon with an intimidating glare.

"I was wondering if Alec had seen Clary. I stopped by your room, but you weren't there. Now I understand why…" Simon said, fidgeting with his glasses. A few seconds of unbearable silence passed before he spoke again. "…What's going on?"

"I'm doing an experiment. It's titled 'How Irresistible is Jace Wayland?' It's well under way. Did you want to be a part of it?" Jace sent a conniving grin in Simon's direction.

Simon shook his head and turned away. Jace was trying to challenge him. He could recognize that. "If Clary hears about this…" He trailed off.

"She won't," Jace said. "Because you won't tell her. Anyway, it's harmless. Everybody wants to kiss me. I'm just handing out opportunities. Want to wait in line?"

"I don't want to kiss you Jace," Simon muttered, leaving the room in absolute confusion.

Alec hadn't said a word the entire time and when the door shut, he was still frozen. "Jace, what is this to you?" He demanded. He had to know. "What about Clary?"

"What about Magnus?"

Alec bit his lip. "Magnus was right about how I feel, but that doesn't mean you can play around with my emotions, Jace." He felt a stinging feeling when Magnus was mentioned. There was a pang of guilt. Was it possible that the warlock knew him better than he knew himself? He owed so much to Magnus.

"I want this, okay?" Jace said. "I want to be…us. Like this. Together."

"But…?" Alec was waiting for it. The words that would break his heart.

"I can't," Jace finished. "We can't. It's a distraction, Alec. And there's Clary and you have Magnus."

"Jace-" Alec started.

"We're Parabati, Alec. Brothers."

"So? You and Clary thought you were siblings," Alec argued.

"That's not what this is about," Jace said crossly. "Do you think the Clave would approve of us? If we were together, we'd never hear the end of it. It would hurt the people we love, Alec."

Alec nodded, thinking of Magnus. How could he do that to him? He had just become interested in him and regardless of his feelings for Jace; he truly was attracted to the warlock. And perhaps over time, that attraction would grow into something more. Something stronger and more powerful.

He knew that Jace was thinking of Clary in that moment.

He snapped out of his reverie when calloused fingers tipped his chin up. Suddenly he was looking into Jace's green eyes. "To love is to destroy," Jace recited.

And after a simple kiss, the last kiss they would ever share, Jace had left the room and Alec was left standing there with the undeniable feeling that Jace was right. They had made their choice.

"And to be the one loved is to be the one destroyed," he whispered to himself.

Witches, driving, books and dresses;

"Dipping his finger into his own blood, Josh Quinn began to write on the side of a slot machine."

D: I think I just died inside a little. I knew he died in this book, but I couldn't remember quite how. Adorable gay goth boy died. He shouldn't have gotten himself so mixed up in chasing after a witch in Vegas. -Sigh-

Driving in Duluth is scary. I don't like it.

I don't want this cough. Or this headache. I haven't had this bad of one in a while...

I brought my dress in to get altered today.

This blog is honestly sorta pointless.


CITY OF FALLEN ANGELS COMES OUT TOMORROW. <3
That means I'll have it in my hands shortly.
Thanks Jamie. :D
What a great early birthday gift.

Traffic Violation Dreams?

When I got into my car this morning and put on my seatbelt, I remembered that I had a dream last night that I got pulled over and fined 2,000 dollars for not wearing my seat belt. A week or two ago I had a dream I ran a red light. A week before that I had a couch for a car in one of my dreams. I sense a theme....although I'm not really sure it makes much sense.

"I've been dating Marc for almost two years."
"Congratulations, did you want a cookie?"
"Two actually, for two years."
"Well I've been dating Alan for five years. So I get five cookies."
"Sydnee gets eighteen because she's been dating herself for eighteen years."

-__-

Ouch.

Rain;

I'm trying to embrace it. It's not snow. Sometimes rainy days are necessary. They make me want to curl up in my bed with a good book. But today, I have to go to work instead. At least I'm working with cool people. Sunday shifts are always full of my favorite coworkers. But this whole weekend has just felt like work. At least next weekend, it won't be. Next weekend, there's prom. I'm kind of terrified. And kind of excited. I just hope to God, if there is one, that I'm not awkward. All I know is, it's April now. And as June keeps creeping up on me, it couldn't be more far away, or any closer. I want to be out of high school. But I don't want to say goodbye to three of my friends.

So I won't give up, no I won't break down. Sooner than it seems life turns around;

My dad comes home in two weeks. To start a job in Superior. Eight months and he's coming home. Maybe things will start to balance out again. I could really use that. The start of April means inbetween spring and winter weather with snow, rain and sunshine all taking their turns taking over the town. Prom next weekend. It also means I turn eighteen. 22 days! (: This also means June is closer. Which means I'm that much closer to graduating high school.

April is, in general, bringing a lot forward. I've just got to keep taking deep breaths and embrace the changes. Of the seasons, of my life and the people in it.

"All I know is yesterday is gone, and right now I belong to this moment, to my dreams."
-Someone's Watching Over Me; Hillary Duff

Spent My Night...

-At Burger king
-Making up excuses not to hang out with a certain somebody because I'm awkward
-At Culvers with Caitlin, Sydney and Aubrey
-Jamie's house
-Crying in my car as I drove blasting Graduation by Vitamin C

I'm awesome. Obviously.

This needs to happen.
Alex Pettyfer as Jace Wayland
Gaspard Ulliel as Alec Lightwood. <3

xPPPPP

Dear Mom,

I know you're frustrated with life. Do you know how much I've been trying to help you? I've been there for you. I do not appreciate walking in the door from a busy night at work and being practically told to fuck off by you. All I did was ask politely if and when it would be possible to park in my garage again. I've been very fine with my uncle parking in my garage but there's room for two cars if we'd move the couch. Your response of "I'm going to take the tone you just gave me and call it frustrated. I'm at my level of frustration right now, so I'm not going to respond and you're going to go upstairs to your room and leave me alone," really confused me and hurt me.

Thanks Mom. That made total sense...

Your daughter,

Sydnee

I don't have a title;

"You make me feel out of my element. Like I'm walking on broken glass."
-Chemicals React; Aly & AJ

Note to Self:

Must. Stop. Feeling. This. Way.


Time for work.