Because I'm on a Mortal Instruments Binge right now...

"Meanwhile," Simon added, "I wanted to tell you that lately I've been cross-dressing. Also, I'm sleeping with your mom. I thought you should know." -Simon; City of Bones

"Hodge sent me to wake you up. Actually, he offered to wake you up himself, but since it's five a.m., I figured you'd be less cranky if you had something nice to look at." -Jace; City of Bones

"Do you remember back at the hotel when you promised that if we lived, you'd get dressed up in a nurse's outfit and give me a sponge bath?"
"Actually, I think you misheard," Clary said. "It was Simon who promised you the sponge bath."
Jace looked involuntarily over at Simon, who smiled at him widely. "As soon as I'm back on my feet, handsome."
"I knew we should have left you a rat."
-Jace, Clary and Simon; City of Bones

"You know, most psychologists agree that hostility is really just sublimated sexual attraction."
"Ah, that might explain why I so often run into people who seem to dislike me."
-Clary and Jace; City of Bones

"The nod means, 'I am a badass, and I recognize that you, too, are a badass.'"
-Simon; City of Bones

"Unfortunately, Lady of the Haven, my one true love remains myself."
"At least you don't have to worry about rejection, Jace Wayland."
"Not necessarily. I turn myself down occasionally, just to keep it interesting."
Jace and Madame Dorothea; City of Bones

"It was like a bad movie, except he didn't actually twirl his mustache."
-Jace; City of Ashes

Magnus snapped his fingers again, menacingly. "Get up."
"Or you'll be the next one to go up in smoke," said Simon with relish.
"There's no need to clarify my finger snap. The implication was clear in the snap itself."
-Magnus and Simon; City of Ashes

"Traded him for Alec," Clary said.
"Not permanently"
"No," said Jace. "Just for a few hours. Unless I don't come back. In which case, maybe he does get to keep Alec. Think of it as a lease with an option to buy."
"Mom and Dad won't be pleased if they find out."
"That you freed a possible criminal by trading away your brother to a warlock who looks like a gay Sonic the Hedgehog and dresses like the Child Catcher from Chitty Chitty Bang Bang?" Simon inquired. "No, probably not."
Clary, Isabelle, Jace and Simon; City of Ashes

"Well, I'm not kissing the mundane. I'd rather stay down here and rot."
"Forever? Forever's an awfully long time."
"I knew it. You want to kiss me, don't you?"
-Jace and Simon; City of Ashes

"I guess it's true what they say. There are no straight men in the trenches."
"That's atheists, jackass. There are no atheists in the trenches."
-Jace and Simon; City of Ashes

"Because I foresee many romantic picnics in our future. You, drinking a virgin pina colada. Me, drinking the blood of a virgin."
-Simon; City of Ashes

"No, I'm just a very naughty boy. I do all sorts of bad things. I kick kittens. I make rude gestures at nuns."
-Jace; City of Ashes

"Exactly. Despite my staggering good looks, you actually don't like me that way. And if you're blowing off Magnus, it's not because of me. It's because you're too scared to tell anyone who you really love. Love makes us liars. The Seelie Queen told me that. So don't judge me for lying about how i feel. You do it too."
-Jace; City of Glass

"Romanian? That's impressive, not many people speak it."
"Do you?"
"Not really. My Romanian is pretty much limited to useful phrases like, 'Are these snakes poisonous?' and 'But your much too young to be a police officer.'"
-Jace and Sebastian; City of Glass