Keys;

I love my new key.
Antique key necklace with copper wings and the inside of an old wristwatch.
It's beautiful.
Grad present to myself.
<3
Because I say so.
Oh, how I love antique shops.

3 more days of high school.

BLAHH.

....Well,

Thanks Mom for your like four contradicting emotions/conversations with me.
I really enjoyed spending my night crying and in confusion and feeling worthless.

Bipolar much?

Long weekend of work over.

Monday is Memorial Day which is tomorrow.
Spending the day with my family in Hayward.
Should be interesting
AND WARMMMM. <3

It's Friday before memorial day weekend...

Which means I have four days of actual school left. Holy shit.

I can't comprehend this....

I also can't comprehend how it might be 1300 dollars worth of damage.
Hopefully they get more estimates and it's cheaper.
Because I can't pay a huge rate on insurance each month because it goes up super high as a result of this.
And I can't deal with the guilt of my mom paying it so it doesn't go up....

I'm tired.
I work all weekend.
And then monday is memorial day and I'm catching up on sleep.
And then...four days left.

I'm feeling like I just want to sleep for a while and not wake up.
Because I just don't want to deal.
With emotions....

SIGH.

Thursdays usually hate me;

Today needs to end. Now.

I woke up from a nightmare
I was almost late to school
My novel said it has "issues" and I can't get my paperback copy until they are fixed and I don't even understand what's wrong with it
There was no barbeque sauce at lunch
I HIT SOMEONE'S CAR.

That's right. In the parking lot, I hit someone's door that was wide open.
Good thing he was cool about it. And his dad.
Except if it's over 1000 dollars in damage I'm going to be in so much trouble with my mom.
Insurance rates are going to go up and to prevent that she's going to have to pay money out of her pocket
I feel horrible. HORRIBLE.
I've felt horrible all day about it.

And then I had to go to work and deal with Carrie.
Of course I only worked until like seven.

Why is Tanner so sweet? Why is he so cute?
If anything, he made my day better.
He offered to work for me. He put his hand on my shoulder and told me things are going to be okay.
He kept asking me what was wrong and when I finally told him, he understood.
He told me stories of things he did that were stupid.
He kept trying to make me laugh.

"What's wrong Syd? Would you smile? You're always telling me to be in a better mood at work. I don't like seeing you like this. You're never like this. Lighten up."

^^ WITH HIS TANNER SMILE.

GAHHHHH.

I think I'm going to take some sleeping pills and "zonk" as Jamie would say. Because I really can't be awake anymore.

Because no matter what anyone tells me I'm not going to believe it's okay until I hear how much the damage cost is tomorrow.

....

That award ceremony made me feel more stupid than it made me feel accomplished.

.....I really just need to get some confidence.
Before I die.