Dear Mom,

Hey Mom,

Thanks for accusing me of ignoring you and then going on to say how I shouldn't be talking on the phone while driving because I'll get into a car accident and then proceeding to yell at me when I trip and fall up the stairs that lead into the garage and calling me a clumsy shit. I'm in a lot of pain right now from that fall.

This reminds me all too much of the time you broke glass and then yelled at me to clean it up and said you "didn't fucking care if I got glass in my foot because you wouldn't bring me to the emergency room."

Also the time not so far back in the past that I heard you tell my dad that I can go to hell.

And no Mom, Jamie is not using me. She's a real friend. Something you said you were happy I had this year. REAL FRIENDS. I found them. They don't use me. And she doesn't either. She's going through a hard time. And I don't understand how one minute you're sympathetic and inviting her over to stay the night whenever she wants and the next you pull this shit.

Thanks Mom. Thanks. Really. Keep your anger in check. I'm your kid.

Sincerely,

Sydnee

It's been established...

My aching head has turned me into a raging bitch with Zombie-like tendencies.

A Long Blog...

It's really fun to watch kids battle it out for candy at parades.

Today was the fourth of July, also known as Independence Day. I went to the annual parade and tanned while everyone else in my family burned, to which my Dad said, "It must be great being half-Mexican." Reminds me that I miss Miss Janis Avalos-Rios. <3 Anyway, then we went to Applebees and I came home having that headache again and I passed out on my bed for a good three hours. I can't explain what's been happening lately with that. I've been falling asleep randomly. This feeling just comes over me. The dull aching of my head and I'm unable to think and I get super moody. I lay down and then I'm out, just like that. It's annoying really. And then I always have nightmares... This one was short and one of the worst. What I learned from this nightmare? Don't let strangers in your house. They might just try to rape you and then chop up your brother with an axe. Why does my mind create these horrible images? I know this blog is really random, but it's everything jumbled together at once, and somehow I'm okay with that. Screw organization. I'm buying that journal tomorrow, before I have to go to work. It's my goal for the day tomorrow, besides sleeping in. Ha.

I really hate the person I am sometimes, yet I love who I am. I love that I care for other people. I actually firmly believe that the reason I was put on this Earth was to help other people in any way I can. I've always known that. No matter what people say, I know it's true. Yet, it's really taking a toll on me. (WARNING: SELFISH MOMENT AHEAD) I take in everybody's problems. I always have. And I like doing it. I love to help people, have them talk things out and I like offering whatever advice I can, but lately it feels like there's too many people to help at one time. I don't know how and my brain hurts too much from these headaches to even try to be helpful and then I feel like I'm acting as if I don't care, snapping at them or not offering any sort of help and I hate it. And it sucks. I think it's one of the reasons I feel like this. I'm stressed, but not because of anything going on in my life. My life is fine. It's everyone else's. But I don't want to tell them this. Because I want people to keep confiding in me. I like being that person. I don't really care what toll it takes on me as long as it's helping them, but it's getting tough. And it seems even a good night's sleep in my new queen bed can't even fix that. 

Maybe I've just been working way too much. Good thing this coming week, my work schedule is toned down. 

I feel guilty. About today. I felt like shit for a majority of the day. (I mean I randomly slept for four hours). There might have been an hour where I didn't and that hour was blissful, but all of my friends were out at Wisconsin Point. They were begging me to come. They all wanted me there. They miss me. Believe me, I know this. I finally have real friends and time is running out to see them because college is nearing and then Burger King decides to own my life. But I was going to be able to see them today and I just couldn't bring myself to go. Anxiety was getting the better of me and I just felt like...I got hit by a semi truck. And Morgan was having such a hard time, I was so worried. And then she just drove over and hung out for a while and I think I managed to help make her feel better, which was good. And even though our towns' fireworks sucked as usual, we got to eat smores and then watch the lightning as the sky turned purple and the yellow bolts lit up the sky. And I feel like we bonded over it. Because we were both thinking the same thing: Zeus found some Twin Souls tonight. Thunderstorms and lightning strikes have never meant so much to me. 

I hope my head doesn't explode from overload. The thing is, half of the things I'm thinking about aren't my thoughts. They're not thoughts about things going on in my life. My mom's always telling me I take on other people's problems and make them as my own. I used to just shrug and deny it. But now I'm realizing it's true. I make them my problems and I try to fix them. But am I capable? I can't fix everything. I know this. So why do I tire myself trying?

Because I love these people.

Goodnight.

My rooom.

I'm currently laying on my new queen sized bed. I am so happy about this. You don't even know. My room is beautiful. All it needs is my headboard and my shelves, otherwise it's complete.

I'll probably post a picture at some point.

<3

I just really don't want to go to work tomorrow at 8:30 a.m because a.) I fail at breakfast and b.) that's hella early.

I'll survive, right?

Funny moments from work today;

Because it makes me feel a little better that I'm almost always there.


So I was at work while it was storming today and I mentioned Zeus and my co-worker thought I was talking about my manager's dog who also happens to be named Zeus.

Me: (As lightning flashes across the sky) I think Zeus is angry.
Tanner: Biph's dog?
Me: NO! The Greek god!
Heidi: I bet my dog is angry though!


Anddddd....


Heidi: Wanna take a burn break before we send Syd home, Tanner?
Me: I liked your use of alliteration.
Tanner: She's speaking nerd again.
Heidi: What's alliteration mean?! I like to know what terms mean so I can use them and not sound stupid!